Woman lashes out at FIL when he demands paternity test for son's $1M inheritance. AITA?
When this pregnant woman is accused of having an affair, she asks Reddit:
"AITAH for calling my Father in law a bastard after he pressured us into getting a paternity test?"
In my husband's family you inherit from your grandparents. My husband's father got it into his head that our son was the product of Me having an affair. He said that he would not set aside money for him unless we got a paternity test. My husband told his father to go F himself and we cut him off.
It has been a couple of years now and he wants back into our lives. But he still wanted a paternity test.
My husband and I talked about it and we agreed under the condition that when it turned out that my husband was the father the money for our son would be in an irrevocable trust for his future even though, obviously, his grandfather has not passed away. He agreed and we did a test sort of like 23 and me but more reputable and private.
It just so happens that my son is indeed my husband's child. But he is not related to a bunch of his paternal relatives.
My husband's mom is a saint and she divorced her jackass ex a long time ago. He immediately started shi&ing on her for cheating since obviously the test showed that my husband was illegitimate.
Two tests later the results are back and my father in law is definitely my husband's father. My father in law however is not the offspring of the man he always thought was his dad.
We had a legally binding contract so my son has his $1M inheritance waiting for him when he turns 25.
We saw my father in law over the holidays and he was complaining about how he had to liquify some of his assets to set up the trust fund. I said that if he had just accepted his grandson and hadn't been such a bastard about it then we would all have been happier.
He got very quiet and very angry. He said I was being very rude to insult him like that. I said that he had been rude to insinuate that I was cheating on my husband. And that technically he was indeed a bastard.
He is furious with me and mad at my husband for letting me talk about him that way. My husband told him that he brought this all on himself and that if he wants to be in our lives he will treat us all with respect. He followed up that since we have the money now there is nothing he can hold over is if we choose to kick him back out.
We are hearing a lot from relatives of my husband. Some good, some bad. Overall they think I need to be more polite but they agree he did this to himself. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
majorad0 writes:
YTA - He had conditions for giving his own money and it’s up to you to accept it or not. Your FiL has some trauma as himself as well as other men in his family have had mothers who cheated and probably passed the children as their own. Those lies destroy the children once they learn the truth (I have experience of this with close family member).
I completely understand that you don’t like being asked for a paternity test but you didn’t have to. You/your husband/your child aren’t owed any inheritance, it’s FiL’s money to do as he pleases. You could have just said no, but you wanted the money.
sayserror6 writes:
ESH. Your FIL, is a grade A AH! From beginning to end. No doubt about it. But you were also an asshole, with the comments you made over the holiday. A completely justified asshole, but still an asshole.
If ya'll want to actually have him around in your lives, the tit for tat back and forth has to stop. Especially now that the FIL found out that he doesn't know who his dad is, and is the result of exactly what he accused. Karma caught up, there is no reason to keep digging at this point.
That said, I think you did the right thing by getting your child's genetics done. Paternity reasons are maybe tertiary on the list of reasons. But many couples dont have a complete family medical history, or detailed one.
And having your genome sequenced can provide you and your doctors with a lot of valuable information for your own personalized healthcare plan. Additionally, hospitals make mistakes. While it's incredibly common, it does happen that babies get mixed up. Then I would say for paternity reasons, because for some couples, it can be questionable.
onefault7 writes:
NTA. You stood up for your family and held your ground in a difficult situation. While the exchange may have been heated, it seems like you and your husband set clear boundaries and dealt with the situation based on mutual understanding.
Your father-in-law's reactions and past actions may have consequences, but it's important to assess the ongoing family dynamics and communication.