Ridiculous or not? My family is holding a promise against me from when I was 13y/o. Long story so I’ll try to condense it. My brother (33M) and I received an inheritance from my father. At the age of 25 the money is released to you if you want or left in a trust for future generations.
My brother has been abusing the money for as long as he’s had access, completely and effectively wasting over $600,000; on cars, houses, debt, etc. He now has almost nothing left and debt to the IRS from not paying taxes on those transactions. He has a good job supporting his family and has worked out a plan for his debt. I’m pretty proud of him!
When I (23F) was 13, our family house burned down. My brother had his money, which he then paid for the roof to be put on. I, at the time, promised to pay him back in the future. Now, 10 years later, my family is bringing up this scared child’s promise and saying I owe my brother $30,000!
I have barely used my money-not even getting a car all these years and only paying monthly expenses-so I am sitting at a little more than 1 million. Which I’m terrified to touch.
I have some dental issues I’m just now getting to because I’ve been so hesitant to spend. Maybe the trauma of seeing your brother waste over a half a million dollars. I don’t know.
For the last 5 years I’ve lived in FL. My brother texted maybe twice. Never visited. He has not brought this up to me, only my mom who insists that I am being a bad person by not standing by my promise, even going so far as to say I was “acting as an adult” at 13 so it counts as an enforceable promise.
My mom makes it sound like my brother and his girlfriend are relying on this money and talk about it all the time. Am I the a&^hole?
Edit 1: Thank you all for the valuable input and suggestions.
Couple of things to clear up:
My biological father was the one who left the money to us. My brother is not his. As a matter of fact, he disowned my brother before his death.
My stepdad is a disabled vet. I consider him my “Dad” so sorry for any confusion.
The TOTAL of the roof is $30,000 from what they are telling me, I have no receipts or proof, which I am supposedly fully responsible for.
My brother did not receive his money until after he was 25. We had been using insurance funds until then, when it was painfully clear it wouldn’t be enough.
No, I have no idea why my parents didn’t take out a loan or something to finish the house themselves.
At 13 year's old you were not responsible for paying for you parent's roof. Neither was your brothers. It's your parents who should pay him back.
NTA. Your age plus the fact that you felt like you were backed into a corner should negate that promise. You were coerced by the circumstances, and you were a child. You should not have to pay for the mistakes of the golden child. Taxes go hand in hand with money. It sucks, but that's our reality.
At 13 your are not legally able to enter into a contract - they can't hold you to this promise and are horrible for trying to.
NTA that debt belongs to your mother or whoever owned the house. Don't put off things like dental work because you're afraid to spend. You've gone too far in the opposite direction from your brother to the point that you're hoarding money that could be improving your life.
My opinion might be unpopular but I’m just going to say it. ESH. Your family sucks for expecting 2 kids to use their inheritance to fix a roof. Your brother sucks for blowing his money. Let’s be honest, if he’d wisely invested it and grew it, $30k wouldn’t be issue. But now he needs it because he was irresponsible
You suck because you watched as he bared the burden of the new roof alone because you couldn’t help at the time, and now you don’t want to help when you can. (It was burden which should never have been on either of you, but it was).
He literally put a roof over your head and now he’s in a bad spot and you’re sitting on over $1M and don’t wanna help. Are you obligated to? No. It’s your money and you were a minor at the time. But it’s probably the right thing to do.
Edit to add: your brother could have left with his money and never put a dime into that roof. But he didn’t do that to his family. Remember that.
lookinglost3000 OP responded:
I absolutely appreciate this response. It seems the right one. I’d be much more open if he himself had been the one to bring this up. I’d be even open to putting the money in a college fund for his kids or something, but the way my brother has been so irresponsible with money in the past makes me feel giving the money to him directly would be a mistake.
Thank you all so much, I needed opinions from outside of the family. I will NOT be continuing this conversation with my mother. The only person I will talk to about it any further will be my brother.