Woman makes TikTok about pregnant cousin 'STEALING' her late child's name. AITA?
When this woman is furious with her cousin and aunt after a family tragedy, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for not wanting my cousin to use my deceased child’s name & making a TikTok about my aunt who was pushing the matter?"
I, 27 female had a baby girl in Nov 2017. I had spontaneous placenta abruption. She died four days later. Her name was Audrey. I named her after my father, Dennis 59’s mother.
My father’s sister, Gloria 60’s, never came to see my dtr or I in the hospital despite my family calling her numerous times. Gloria was always controlling & possesive over my grandparents.
It was always an issue between Gloria and the rest of the family. I remember her always making snarky comments about how my grandparents “favored Dennis’ kids over her grandkids” In Nov 2022 my second cousin, Ann 25, Glorias grdtr announced she was pregnant.
Ann few days after she found out the gender in Dec, Ann made a post about names she was considering, one of them was my little angel girls name. Tears came to my eyes seeing the shape of my little girls name.
I was so confused why my cousin would even think of using it. I messaged Ann her know that would make me really uncomfortable. Ann was super understanding and said she was only considering it bc her “granny suggested it as a way to honor her mom and its a family name” which did not surprise me.
My grandmas name was NOT a “family” name it was her name only and then my daughters. Every year, My dad has a gathering in early December. After gifts, I was sitting on the floor playing with my second child, female 3. I herd Gloria discussing Anns pregnancy with my other uncle and aunt.
She said Ann was having a girl and then started speaking about names. Gloria said “well Ann wanted to use Audrey” and then as she continued to speak Gloria raised her voice, saying “BUT, EMILY asked her not too” in a snarky tone and rolled her eyes.
Knowing my aunt Gloria suggested that name with no regard to the fact that my daughter was a living breathing person felt like my dtr meant nothing. A few days later after Ann made another post & Gloria commented suggesting my daughters name again, I messaged my aunt.
I was rude but I didn’t cuss at her or call her names. I told her how I felt & asked her to please stop pushing the name on Ann and she just gaslit me and said I was “disrespecting my elders” A day or so after the family event, I made a Tiktok video about it. I did not use their names.
It got under 800 views. My aunt Gloria found the video a few days ago. Gloria made facebook post “warning me” to never post about her again. There was no name calling but I was a condescending bi&%$ in my comments on her post. I told Gloria my feelings and didn’t think about hers, like she hadnt thought about mine.
Gloria just continued to gaslight me and continued to tell me shes my aunt and my “elder” and “i was in the wrong” My aunt and some other family members are saying I am wrong for making a TikTok and making “such a big deal” out of the situation in the first place. So AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
sorep writes:
You're N.T.A for not wanting your daughters name to be used. It definitely sounds like Gloria is a callous and manipulative person. You're also N.T.A for reaching out to your cousin and letting her know how you feel.
Unfortunately, you've now done all you can. If you keep pushing it you'll just end up hurting yourself. Gloria will never empathize with you, so just limit your contact. If your cousin decides to do the right thing, you know she's good people.
Y.T.A for making the TikTok. No one needs to air family drama to 800 people. Talk to a friend, partner, or close relative. Or even a therapist. Not Tiktok. Also, please learn what the term "gaslighting" means, it's problematic to misuse abuse terms like that. Ultimately, ESH.
quietlyfierce writes:
I'm so sorry, I really don't understand these Y-T-As, your daughter was born and died of course your close family members should respect how painful that would be. It also doesn't sound as if your cousin even wants the name in the first place. No you do not own the name but gosh they could have a little grace and decorum about the whole situation. NTA.
snoobeedoo writes:
NTA. I have a feeling that if your cousin came to you to respectfully discuss the name that it wouldn’t have been as painful. Having the name added to a list of names as if it was just an option that didn’t carry some sort of weight was wrong and dismissive of what you have gone through.
I have a child who has the same name as a cousins ex-boyfriend that she had dated for years. I knew something bad had happened between them but didn’t know the extent. I didn’t even throw that name around without mentioning it to her first to be sure there wasn’t any pain or trauma associated with that name.
Family shouldn’t want to cause each other pain and should address sensitive subjects with love and understanding. I’m sorry that wasn’t done for you. I’m sorry for your loss and thankful your cousin went with another name.