I (28f) met my husband X (30m) 10yrs ago. At the time, he was a single dad to a 6mo baby girl, Lily(11f). I worked at the bakery he’d stop at every Saturday before their walk, and eventually we started going out. We got married 6yrs ago, and I legally adopted Lily soon after that.
In my family, it’s a tradition that the oldest daughter gets gifted an old sapphire ring on her 11th birthday. The ring belonged to my grandmother, who gave it to my aunt, who gave it to me because all of my cousins are male.
Lily’s 11th birthday was a few months ago, and I gave the ring to her because she’s my oldest daughter. She loves that ring more than anything. She put it on a chain to wear around her neck so that she could keep better track of it, and in the months that she’s had it, I’ve never seen her take it off.
My sister Mia (24f) is one of Lily’s favorite people. Lily really loves her aunt, and sometimes Mia will just text to let me and X know that she’s picking Lily up from school to go eat or go to the bookstore or something like that.
The other day, I got one of those texts from Mia, so I just told her to be safe, have fun, and make sure my daughter came home at a decent time because it was a school night.
Lily got home about an hour after we had dinner, and she barely said hello to her dad or me before she went up to her room. I thought that maybe she was just tired, so he and I didn’t immediately ask her what was going on, but later that night I went to go check on her because I wanted to be sure.
When I walked into her room I saw that she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong, and it took a minute, but she eventually told me that Mia took the ring from her because it’s a family heirloom that’s supposed to go to the “actual” oldest daughter and because I adopted her, that means she isn’t really family.
The only reason I didn’t go to Mia’s apartment that night to get it back was because I spent the rest of the evening reassuring Lily that she is my family, and she is 100% my “actual” oldest daughter no matter what our DNA is or what anyone else says.
I left Mia a voicemail the next morning telling her to return the ring before I drive over there and get it myself. She texted saying she would only give it to me if I had a daughter before she did, but until then she’d keep it safe to make sure I didn’t give it back to “the wrong person”.
So then I told her that if she didn’t return the ring by 2pm that day, I would be calling the police and reporting it stolen.
She started texting like crazy, saying I was being ridiculous and doing too much. Our mom is in on it now too and she thinks saying I was being ridiculous and doing too much. Our mom is in on it now too and she thinks saying I’d contact the police was taking it too far, and that Mia was only trying to keep to the family tradition. AITA?
YTA because you haven’t called the police yet. And if you don’t then what you’re telling your daughter is that she isn’t your daughter and you agree with your sister. This is theft. Go to the police.
NTA. What Mia did was deplorable. Lily is your eldest daughter and she had no right to take the family ring from her.
The time to discuss her concerns and objections was before Lily turned 11, not on a single outing wherein she destroyed Lily’s sense of belonging and trust by basically telling her she wasn’t family.
Then on top of that she doubled down when you asked for it back? Your mom is out of line. Mia hurt your daughter deeply and has no business touching that ring.