When a woman is pregnant and going through something you've gone through as a pregnant woman, it's hard not to step in and help. When this woman is conflicted about helping her pregnant coworker, shes aks the popular Reddit forum:
I (45f) am part of a team of folks who are super close. We don't spend a lot of time together outside of work because of family commitments, but we are super social at lunch and at break times almost every day at work.
One of the ladies on the team (20s f) is pregnant, in her 2nd trimester. She talks about her pregnancy all the time and how happy she is to finally get to have a baby because she'd been trying for so long. We're all really happy for her.
A couple weeks ago she told one of the other ladies on the team (who then told me) that she got diagnosed with gestational diabetes, which I had for both of my pregnancies.
The thing is, I keep seeing her eat candy and order these terrible lunches that are not at all on the gestational diet. I know how much damage it does to the baby if you don't follow the diet and keep close track of your blood sugar and how happy she is to be having this baby.
I tried mentioning it subtly at first by saying I was surprised the lunch she ordered was okay for her to eat and she just mumbled something about having a craving that day, but it's every day that she eats like that.
So after about a week of hinting I offered to share some recipes from when I was pregnant that were good for gestational. When I did that she got super curt with me, excused herself from the lunch group and went back to eat at her desk.
She hasn't been eating with us since then and anytime I come around she excuses herself from the conversation. I was just trying to help because she talked about how much she wants this baby, but now I'm wondering if I overstepped. AITA?
YTA. She didn't tell you about her gestational issue. She didn't ask for your help. It seems obvious to you that she didn't feel comfortable talking about her diet, 'she just mumbled something about having a craving that day' , yet you continued to push yourself and your opinions / 'support' onto her.
And now after the fact, when she is visibly frustrated with you, you're still not sure if you overstepped? If my friend acted like this with me, the first thing I'd do is apologize. The whole situation makes me think your more concerned with being a know-it-all / expert.
NTA. Your help isn’t wanted but you aren’t being an asshole, you’re genuinely looking out for the well-fair of this mother and her unborn child. In the end though it’s ultimately just not your responsibility, she doesn’t respond to any of your advice or hints, just let it go.
YTA, it sounds like you did this rather sensitively (offering to share recipes, expressing surprise at first rather than judgment) but I think your intention ('trying to help') was condescending and overstepping.
As you might remember, pregnant women are regularly policed by others (people in their own life and strangers) regarding what they put in their bodies. The science of what it is and isn't okay/risky to eat while pregnant is nebulous, constantly changing, and rife with public misconceptions. There is an absurd amount of pressure about this.