Woman and pregnant twin sister deeply resent 'toxic' eldest sister's pregnancy. AITA? UPDATED 2X
When this woman and her pregnant twin sister are deeply disturbed by their older sister's behavior during HER pregnancy, she asks Reddit:
OP also provides major updates about both of her sister's birthing experiences.
"Am I wrong for resenting my older pregnant sister?"
I (31F) am getting married in September to my longtime love. I have a twin sister S (31F) and an older sister C (33F) who are both my matrons of honor.
My older sister C got married in 2017 and my twin S got married in 2019. The three of us are close and we get along generally pretty well, but my twin and I tread lightly around C.
For example, C got married in April 2017 and was infuriated with S for getting engaged in MAY AFTER she got married herself. Said she was “stealing her thunder”. It was a huge deal at the time, but S was gratuitous about it and we swept it under the rug.
Fast forward to 2023. My sister C has been trying to get pregnant for a while (2 years), and it’s finally happened for her. I was overjoyed to hear this news. S called me on the same day and she told me she was also pregnant and I was over the moon.
C is devastated that S is pregnant, and is being extremely bitter about the ease of which it happened, and the fact she’s having a baby at all.
C is demanding that S tell no one, that C should get first dibs on bridesmaids dresses, and is claiming that S is “stealing her thunder” again. C lives hundreds of miles away and is demanding that she have 2 separate showers, 1 of which is in the town S and I live in and is excluding her from it.
C also made a ginormous deal about her own wedding, bridal shower and bachelorette. I spent a ton of time and money and flew for her trip.
She was not even excited when I got engaged, acted like she didn’t want to be on my bachelorette, and is responsible for planning my bridal shower and has basically not lifted a finger and is delegating to everyone else.
I find it hypocritical that she says everyone else is “stealing her spotlight” when she’s actively not interested in me and my wedding and won’t let S be happy about anything, ever.
C has always needed to be better than me and S. I am soft spoken and passive and really live a small and simple life. C is wildly jealous of S and her accomplishments. We all 3 have been close though genuinely!
At different times in different stages. S and I are twins and live closer but we all 3 have a group text and talk every day and she’s included in our birthdays and all other events.
Could we have done better, sure. But genuinely have tried very hard, at least I have, to never make C feel left out. I’ve talked to her in past to say please always come to me and we can even schedule time separately.
We all 3 had it rough growing up with addict parents but wealthy. Happy but not. I remember C being the intelligent and inspiring lawyer, smart, hard achieving and always glorified by my parents, especially my mom.
S and I kept our heads down and did our own things but never really needed the attention in this insane “pick me” way C does.
Am I wrong for being very resentful of C and wishing I had never asked her to be co matron of honor? Both sisters are due early next year, 3 weeks apart from each other. AITA?
Then, OP provides this update about her twin sister's birth:
My twin sister S (F32) gave birth to her son over 3 months early in her second trimester due to a SEVERE case of pre eclampsia. I received a call on a Friday evening saying her blood pressure spiked which was resulting in kidney and liver failure and borderline seizure.
They put her on these crazy meds and held off on delivering for 2 days.
She ended up giving birth via emergency c-section to a tiny (under 2lb) baby boy. It has been one f-g hell of a journey with both of them nearly dying, but I could not be happier to report that they are still recovering and baby will be home soon (4 months later…) but alive and on their way to being permanently much better.
Now, before we provide the second part of the update, which includes information about OP's eldest sister's birthing experience, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
treryan writes:
Sounds like eldest child syndrome complicated by being the older sister of twins. In short, she feels she was never given enough attention because at the age of two, there were two new babies in the house that grew up to be best friends with each other instead of her, as well as getting more attention than her by virtue of being twins.
Your older sister could probably benefit from some therapy because this seems like an unhealthy obsession to be the center of attention.
nefarioussweet0 writes:
It's an exciting year for our your family. And nope. NTA Just a question, are any of the babies due near your wedding? I am taking bets on "C's" baby. And she will be the biggest drama queen you will have ever seen . Narcissistic people are like that.
Try to throw a few showers for S or one really big one.. Make a big fuss She lives closer! And has been downtrodden once too often by C for our tastes. Nope , never should a mom to be take a second and hush up about being pregnant BECAUSE a sister is also pregnant. That's over the top obnoxious.
Congrats on your wedding. Are they going to be bridesmsids? Good on you for not excluding them because of baby.
Someone I know was kicked out of her only sisters wedding after she got pregnant. Told it would ruin. The look of the wedding. This friend had modeled in NY. . Soooo....we looked for a nice maternity gown, couldn't find one...so as a skilled seamstress. I made her a beautiful gown, chiffon over solid.
She looked wonderful. She had her hair done, did her makeup, like it was a photo shoot. The old aunts were asking the bride why was her only sister NOT a bridesmaid?? So best wishes to you.
bloomnurse6 writes:
I wouldn’t say one word to her. I would block her on social media and wouldn’t cross the street to pee on her if she was on fire. What the F is wrong with her?? I can’t even begin to imagine how one reaches that level of audacity.
I would send a nice text to BIL to congratulation him on his baby. I would speak to him kindly and simply but would literally not speak to C again until she gave the apology to end all apologies.
I’m talking flowers, food, groveling, begging for forgiveness, public proclamations of how wrong she was, and seriously acting like she knows she was beyond wrong!
I’m sure that will never happen because it sounds like she has main character syndrome with a massive amount of narcissism. I don’t know if it’s because you were twins and she felt you had more attention than her because of that, or just because she’s a narcissist witch. Either way, I wouldn’t allow that energy back in my life. No thank you!
But congratulations on your marriage! And I’m so glad S and the baby are doing well and that your nephew will be going home soon.
evilsofthedoom writes:
With C going NC with you she's opened up a vacancy, adopt your BIL! I'm glad both babies are doing well, regardless of the number of baby showers C had. I hope S is getting stronger every day, it sounds incredibly traumatic for all you guys.
I think honoring C's "wishes" (tantrum) and not communicating with her is the best option. If your mum or S want to tear her a new arsehole they can go ahead, BUT any response will be used by c to claim victimhood. I would focus on your new life with DH and supporting S, baby and her husband.
On the upside you don't have to walk on eggshells around a sister whose head is so far up her arse that I'm surprised the OBGYN didn't call a proctologist for a consult.
And now, OP's final update about her older sister:
UPDATE part is my older sister C (33F) happened to be having her SECOND baby shower that I would have left for the next day (Saturday) that same weekend. When I called to tell her my plans had changed due to our sister S being in the hospital on the verge of death trying to hold off on delivering her baby in her second trimester C’s reaction was to break down in tears. It is not what you are thinking…
I call C and tell her “I am worried about S and baby that they both might die due to severe pre eclampsia” and she says “okay” through her tears. Not a care in the world about sister and baby and she hung up on me.
My mom calls her next and tries to explain she won’t make it to said SECOND baby shower and sister flips out saying she is “disowning” her and that she “doesn’t need us because she has her husband’s family now”. At this point we are all (cousin, friends and aunt included) like wtf but obviously my concern is on twin.
The whole weekend C’s husband is calling asking if we are okay, borderline apologizing for C’s behavior, and making sure everyone is contacted by him. He is not that type of guy in our family, but he did the right thing so kudos to him.
Throughout the next several days S and baby were recovering in the hospital, C refused to speak to any family, didn’t reach out to S or husband, and did not even send flowers to the hospital after she asked me for the address.
After all of this, C just had her baby a week late at over 8lbs and super healthy, able to go home within 2 days and never once separated from baby.
C has not said a word about any of this to anyone. No apologies or anything. I have not confronted her yet since I have been so focused on S and her recovery and her baby, but it’s just widely out-f-g-rageous behavior and most of my family is ready to cut this B (C) off for good.
Would I be wrong to stay silent on this and let mom and S confront her, or should I take one for the team?? Another update: was, indeed, happily married to my love in September!
Let's see what readers thought of this:
whyarepeople7 writes:
Your sister is beyond self absorbed, I don’t think there is anything confronting her will do. Her little sister and nephew/niece were literally (used as defined here) dying. She didn’t even ask about them? Just WOW, psychopathic like. Let the trash take itself out, she downed you all, disown her back. Go No Contact.
On a side note as an adult who was born two months early, weighted 3 lbs, and was separated in an incubator for over a month . I grew up physically normal without any problems and have a successful life.
A rough start doesn’t determine where you end up. Give lots of love to that baby, it’s very traumatic start to life, but that can be balanced out by helping them feel safe and loved.