'AITA for ruining my son's sister's first birthday?'
My ex's new wife called me three weeks ago and said that she'd just realized her daughter's birthday was on my week. She asked me to please bring my son to the party or drop him off the night before and they'd bring him back the next morning.
She was very entitled about it. She presented me with two 'options' when I don't have to do either. I said I would think about it and she got huffy and said he has to be at his little sister's party.
I again said I would think about it and she continued to argue, so I hung up. The day before the party I asked my son 'do you want to go to (sister's name)'s birthday party?'
He said he did so I texted her to tell her we would be there and asked her for the time of the party. She told me it was at noon. So we got there at 12:30 and there were no other cars, which was weird.
When we went inside, my ex said he needed to talk to me, and I said that wasn't necessary and asked where the party guests were. He said he needed to prepare me before I saw his wife. I said 'why, is she pregnant or something?'
He said she was and I just rolled my eyes. I again asked where the party guests were. He said the party was at 2:00, but they wanted to make sure I had time to put myself together before the party. I told him he needed to quit with the soap opera drama, because I don't have time for it. I took time out of my day to accommodate them, but they blew it.
I'm not hanging out with them in an empty house for over an hour, and I'm not wasting gas to leave and come back. I took my son to the park and we had a nice day, but my ex texted me a bunch about how I was punishing his daughter for the pregnancy. (I don't care that his wife is pregnant.) My only response was a text that said 'grow up.' My son asked about his sister's birthday.
I said there was a mix-up with the party time (which is true) and they would all celebrate together when he was at his dad's, so he was chill. My mom said I hurt the birthday girl, but she's one. She's not going to notice who is at her party.
My mom told me to be the bigger person, but I feel there is a limit to that. I'm not going to reward lying and trickery in my ex anymore than I would reward it if my six-year-old did it. Am I the a**$ole for leaving and not coming back?
The internet weighed in with their hot takes on the situation.
flyingdemoncat wrote:
So wait your ex intentionally kept the actual time from you so you would show up early. And all that just so he can tell you about the pregnancy in person and give you time to 'put yourself together' afterwards as if it's some lifeshattering news to you?
Hell no NTA. He really seems to love drama. I would like to know what kinda reaction they wanted. You sobbing on the floor while they can be the bigger person and comfort you?
And later they will tell everyone how hard it hit you and how nice they are for being there for you?
Whatever weird kinda dream they had about this obv did not work. They could have been normal and told you the actual time. It was already nice of you to bring your son. I would have told them they can drive if they want him to join during your time.
DoraTheUrbanExplorer wrote:
NTA. They weren't honest with you. Your ex could have called you to tell you about the new pregnancy. They didn't need to trick you ahead of time. It was kind of you to show up with your child on your own parenting time.
Next time you speak with them let them know they need to be honest with you or you will never be flexible with your own parenting time again. If you don't make a clear boundary they will do this more especially if they're making more children.
They'll want to do more family parties, more vacations when it may be on your time. It would be nice if you could both be flexible with each other - but honesty and open communication is key here. They have to play ball too for it to work.
Good luck OP. Coparenting is not easy!
HPNerd44 wrote:
Going against the grain here but NTA they effed around and found out. They were trying to create drama. Who wants to go to their exes house and sit for 2 hours? This is on them.
If they were so concerned about your reaction they could have told you at any time before the party. Instead orchestrating a plan for you to show up and have time to “feel your feelings.”
You took your kid to the park and had some fun. I say good for you.
NonaAndFunseHunse wrote:
NTA. He could have been honest with you, saying he needed a short talk with you before the party.
He could have planned the birthday party when he had his son (this is the norm in many divorced families). But why did you need to be there? Couldn't you just have dropped your son off?