When this woman is annoyed with her husband's family group text, she asks Reddit:
MIL has always done everything for her children. She and FIL taught their kids to always obey them. They lead, kids follow. Always.
I joined the family when their kids and I were all 40s and up. It’s now 15 years later, and my ILs are very old. About 8 years ago, I suggested to my SILs that MIL should no longer be expected to cook holiday meals.
None stepped up because they don’t know how to cook. MILA admitted she never taught them, but also, as adults they didn’t bother to learn. So I cook. My husband cleans.
Last year, he put a group text out regarding dinner. He didn’t include me and he didn’t pass on any info they decided on, to me. So they all brought basic contributions, but no one cooked anything.
That wasn’t helpful, at all. I can buy groceries, but cooking for 25 people is time consuming, and requires timing each dish so everything can be served warm. That didn’t happen.
So this year, I told my husband I want to start the text so I have the info. And I want to tell them to bake their bread at home, and bring their sides cooked, in a crockpot, so it can be plugged in and kept warm. He said that’s reasonable.
Today, his brother texted my husband, directly, and asked what he can bring. Husband told me about this, and I responded that we have a group text regarding this, and asked him to ask me in that group.
He didn’t. He said it’s not necessary. So I didn’t suggest anything except he bring whatever he wants.
Am I wrong to expect communication directly to me, since I’m preparing everything?
NTA. That’s a pretty simple request. How hard would it be for them to type questions in the group chat rather than a text to only your husband? They sound inconsiderate.
NTA. How do people in their 50s not know how this is done? This is so bizarre to me. Of course they should bring the food already cooked. Of course they should communicate with the person in charge.
NAH. I’m sorry, I’m confused. You’re doing the cooking but you’re wanting them to coordinate with you on bringing stuff in crockpots?
If I said I were doing the cooking for 25 people, I wouldn’t be surprised if somebody were to say hey, can I bring some pie or something? But it would never occur to me that anybody would, or be expected to, bring a side dish in a crockpot.
If I weren’t doing the cooking but was famous throughout my family for some particular special side dish, I might think, hey, I’ll ask my brother if I should bring my famous whatever to the meal as an extra.
I wouldn’t be thinking the rest of my siblings were doing the same thing - it would just be one extra side dish added to the meal, not my share of “expected” sibling side dishes. It wouldn’t occur to me I had to “coordinate” with anyone.
I don’t blame you for being annoyed with your husband but I think there is confusion around whether this is supposed to be a potluck with you cooking a turkey, and maybe some mashed potatoes .
Which it sounds to me like you’re thinking - or a feast cooked by you with one or two extras contributed by family members because it’s their family favourite “special dish.”
Between you and your in-laws, I’m going to say NAH. Your husband may be.