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Woman shocked when husband abandons her and 3 kids after 911 call gone wrong. AITA?

Woman shocked when husband abandons her and 3 kids after 911 call gone wrong. AITA?


When this woman is shocked at her husband's abandonment after her 911 call, she asks Reddit:

"My Husband left me and my 3 children because I called the police...AITAH?"

A little back story, I, 27F, and my husband 26M, have been together for 4 years. I have 2 daughters from a previous marriage, and we have a son together. I work a full-time job during the day, and throughout most of our relationship he has been unemployed.

I made him get a job as we started falling behind on bills and I was both physically and mentally exhausted. Once he started working, he would work overnight and take care of the children during the day while I was at work.

The problem comes in when I found out that he would take a nap around 11am and stay asleep until I got home around 3pm. Most of the time he would take the 3-year-old, which is his son, to the bed with him and lock the 4-year-old in the kids' bedroom.

He would usually give them a communal bowl of dry cereal before deciding to take a "nap". Since the 4-year-old was locked in her bedroom whenever she had to go bathroom, she had to make the choice of peeing herself and getting in trouble from him for having an accident or take her pants off and pee the floor.

Due to this the kids room reeks of pee. We recently had an ice storm that pretty much shut down the city, as the city we live in a city that doesn't really get ice/snow often. I was stuck at work because I was already at work when the snow/ice started. His work closed for the whole week and schools also closed the whole week leaving him alone with all 3 of the kids.

We have one working car, and it is in his name, that is important to the story. On Tuesday that week he made me drive home on the icy roads in a car that I have never driven on ice or snow.

I told him that I was not comfortable driving home in his car, but he said that the kids were driving him crazy, and he needed me home. So I drove home on ice so thick that you couldn't see the lines on the road, the car did not have 4 wheel drive. I made it home safe and told him that since I made it home that I will still go into work on Wednesday.

His response is that I wasn't allowed to drive his car for the rest of the week because he did not want me to go back to work. That caused me to call out for Wednesday and find someone willing to drive me to work Thursday.

Since I was home all day Wednesday I know the kids did not get locked in the room and they got fed 3 meals plus snacks, it was the first time in a while that they did not come to me saying that they are starving.

Thursday comes and he takes his nap around 11 like usual. The difference is that his work was debating on opening that day depending on if they had enough staff to make it in. So he calls me and asks if my grandparents or aunt could take the kids for the night.

When I told him that they are going to have to talk it over he said never mind and went back to sleep. At that point he had told me that he gave the kids some rice for breakfast and a Nutrigrain bar before nap. 3pm came and I could not get ahold of him.

We have a security camera in the living room that can be accessed by phone, so I opened the camera to see if I could see him or the kids in the living room. The apartment was dark but I could hear the kids. The 3 year old had opened the door to the kids room so they were playing in the hallway.

I called them over the camera and asked where my husband was. They told me that he was still asleep and that they are hungry. At this point I called my mom and asked if she was willing to go to my place to give the kids food.

She agreed and got them McDonalds. I was hoping that she would get there before he woke up as he hates my parents. That was not the case, he woke up and called me before my mom had gotten the food. When I told him that I called in a favor and someone was brining the kids food he asked who.

I tried to just leave it at it was just a favor from someone because I knew that if he knew it was my mom that he wouldn't let her in. I was right as soon as he found out it was my mom he took the kids to the very back of the apartment, turned off all the lights and stayed there.

When I called to let the kids know that food was there for them they would get excited and start to get up but then they would look at my husband and stay where they were. My mom ended up calling the police after knocking 3 or 4 times. When the police got there he called me pissed off.

I told him that this could have been avoided if he just answered the door or let the kids answer. The police knocked 3 or 4 times before he answered the door. At that time I had spoken to the police officer through my mom's phone and told her what was going on.

My husband still had all the lights off and barley opened the door. He claimed that he did not know that anyone was bringing food and argued with the officer for a minute before letting the kids get, the now cold McDonalds.

After the police and my mom left, he video called me to show me that the kids had the food my mom brought. About a minute into that phone call he says, "I guess I should come pick you up from work because apparently I'm not a fit father and shouldn't be alone with the kids."

He knows that I cannot just leave my job without losing it. I called one of the people in charge and asked if I could have my kids here. I also called the police to be a neutral ground between us as it was a very long and bad day. When he got to my work, I took the kids out of the car and brought them in the building.

He parked behind the building and came in. I would bring his laptop to work for entertainment and to do schoolwork, I am in college for a business degree. He came in and took the laptop to the car. By that time the police had shown up. When the officer got there, he said he got a call for domestic violence.

I told him that I was the one who called and just needed a middle man in case things escalated. I didn't think things would but figured better safe than sorry. I told him that the kids was going to stay with me and before I could finish the sentence he left. I did not have a change of clothes for the kids or pull ups for the youngest.

So I called my mom and asked if she could watch them for the night. I spent the night at work as I did not have a way home. Friday afternoon I got a text from him saying don't worry about the apartment I'm not there.

Which led me to ask where he was. He said that he drove to Texas and was not planning on coming back. When I asked why he left he said "You who I should have been able to trust above all else betrayed me.

how can I trust anyone who distrusts me so much that they called the cops on me." Now this would be different if it was the first time, he had not properly fed the kids. And every time I suggested that we change schedules, so he works during the day, and I work over night he shut it down.\

He also shut down sending the younger two to daycare so that way we know they are being taken care of and he can get the rest he needed.

Since he shut down every idea to make sure that everyone was taken care of I felt backed into a corner and could not let my babies go hungry through most of the day. With that being said I did not want my husband to leave. Am I the asshole? Should I have done something different?

Readers were shocked. Take a look at their responses.

natashoverworld writes:

OP, you have been letting your spouse abuse your children by locking them in and starving them for how LONG NOW!!? WHAT THE ACTUAL F!? Look, I don't know about your financial situation or how much you love this asshole. But you need to choose between this abusive asshole that neglects, and probably hates, your kids, and your marriage. ESH other than the poor kids.

RHnPdx0 writes:

I was disturbed at the level of complicity in the abuse of the children this woman is displaying. She has been watching the neglect from her camera, and smelling the urine and didn't do anything then and there to protect her children. And, now she wants him back. Of course.

She knows what her POS is doing and seems to want to defend herself that this is no big deal for him and he should come back because he suffered no consequence from the cops. HE SHOULD BE ARRESTED for locking a toddler in her room to the point that she is repeatedly peeing on the floor because of lack of bathroom access. As you said: ESH other than the poor kids.

sfarancs8 writes:


What the F is wrong with you? You deserve to have CPS called on you and those poor children taken away from you. Those poor babies. Shame on you. That is NOT a mother.

findsec6 writes:

NTA. This reads very much like you’ve also been abused by this man. Please realize that he has done you all a favor by leaving. Consult an attorney (most will do a free consultation) and start the process of divorce & full custody of your children.

Seek help and support from those around you- it sounds like your mom is a good person for this. And also find a good therapist- you and your children deserve to work through this in a healthy, safe way.

guiltyweb7334 writes:

ESH. You don’t suck for contacting LEO. Thats literally the only thing that was done correctly.

I have to ask, though, did he abandon his kid, too? Or just yours? Either way, there’s zero reason to have this guy. He’s not carrying his weight. And he neglects your preschool aged child. This guy is straight up garbage.

I’m side-eyeing you for letting it go on as long as it did. You know how many times it should have happened before you nipped that s in the bud? Once. (Really, none. But the first time I when you take action. You did not.)

An old roommate lost his kids because his ex-wife was abusive. You know why he lost? It was considered “failure to protect.” At this stage, that’s kind of where you should have been after the cops smelled your house.

Never take him back. Ever. File for support and get his wages garnished. If you know his previous baby mama, let her know about his taking off to Texas (with or without their kid).

Looks like readers have a lot of opinions about that tragic situation. What do YOU think OP should do? Is she definitely TA?

Sources: Reddit
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