Woman slammed for being 'prejudiced' when choosing her sperm donor. AITA?
When this woman exploring fertility options is accused of being too particular about her sperm donor, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for having a racial preference for my sperm donor?"
I am a highly driven and independent woman. I have buried myself in my career, and as a result my relationships have not panned out. I have not been a good romantic partner, and I own that. But recently, my biological clock started screaming at me that I need a baby, and I agreed with the clock.
I’m getting to the age where sooner is better than later, but my love life is a joke. So I decided to get a sperm donor. I am in a very good financial situation.
My employer is providing me with generous maternal leave, and I have a great support system around me. My mom is (surprisingly) excited, my friends and family want to help (My closest friend, successful dude from my community, even wants to be god father and involved).
I am 10,000% doing this (money down, deposit will be made), so trying to talk me out of it is a waste of time.
The type of guy I’ve always been attracted to and dated has been blonde, tall, handsome, etc – and I can recognize that has naturally influenced how I picture my kids looking one day.
However, I still selected a donor who had the important qualities I’m looking for (health/education/etc) first… and he also happens to be white. I didn’t have to go out of my way or pay extra for this – the majority of the donors are white. I chose the best donor, regardless of race.
A friend and I recently got into an argument about it: They said I have internalized racism, self-hatred, and I shouldn’t use a white sperm donor, I’m “betraying my race and culture.” They said I should choose an Asian donor and stay true to my roots.
I said F- that. It’s my choice what goes into my body, and I already have a perfectly good donor. Am I required to choose a donor the same race as me?
Should I choose lower quality sperm and give up this great donor, just so the baby will match my skin tone a little more? Would you tell a white woman she was required to choose only her race of donor? The baby is going to look like me regardless.
I told my friend the sample is already on its way, and that I’m excited for it. Why shouldn’t I be? I can’t wait to be a mother. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
soodiesunday writes:
NTA. But will say. If you’re triggered, it’s never a bad idea to look at that. And maybe also look at why you’re only attractive white men.
East Asians are typically racist towards melanated people (brown here). It’s not a secret. And I’ve met many who have a very strong affinity towards white folks. It’s standard in the POC community to fetishize that race as superior. The fact that you went all in about your success, which cool, and then were like “and I chose a white donor”. Ok.
Reason being, you’re se%ually attracted to them. Ok check! But I’ve never really heard a POC say they want a white baby. Like you’re not gonna be sexually attracted to your kid…so you think your kid will be more appealing because they’re mixed with white?
Like I hear white ppl always taking about getting an Asian baby. Ok. Weird. But I also get it. But it’s not often you hear a person say white men turn me on so lemme make sure that’s reflected in my baby. Like my fav colour is navy blue. My kid would wear blue often, but can see that was my preference.
gdex86 writes:
NTA. First if this was happening the old fashion way you'd from attraction point of view probably would have been a white dude. Second yeah most of the donations are white guys. Black, Latino, Asian, Arabic, ectera are under represented in all medical donations across the board be it bone marrow, organs, or sperm.
rottenstrawberry writes:
Not sure about the hair but just so you know blue eyes are recessive. Assuming you have brown eyes as you're Asian, your child is very likely to come out with brown eyes. NTA for having a type. Your friend sounds like they're projecting. Wishing the best of luck with motherhood.