Woman snaps at childless friend who says 'you're lucky you had and lost a son.'

We all have our breaking point, especially when we've been dealing with someone who is being wildly insensitive.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for going off on a friend who said she's lucky to have a late son. She wrote:

"AITA for going off on a friend that thinks I’m lucky to have a son that dies?"

I (55F) lost my 22-year-old son tragically 11 years ago. There are no words to describe the pain but I’ve learned how to carry on and live with it. I do have an amazing daughter that makes it worth it. I have a friend we’ll call Anne (55F). Anne never married or had kids.

Every day Anne would message me and at some point in the conversation it turns to her not ever becoming a mother and how it’s “triggering.” She is either complaining or crying how she never married or had kids. No fertility issues, no miscarriage etc. She’s just very self-centered and has trouble getting along with people.

The issue is every time she starts talking about “mourning the loss of the children she never got to conceive” she says it that I understand because it’s just like how I feel about losing Josh. If I was having a good day she’d bring up my loss when talking about her stuff and it would be hard to deal with emotionally but I tried to be a good friend and be there for her.

Anne has a friend we'll call Cara. Cara is becoming a grandmother as her daughter is pregnant. Anne messaged me every day for a week screaming and crying because the word “pregnancy” triggers her and she’s asked Cara not to say that word and refer to it as her daughter's “situation”. Anne was yelling saying how she didn’t want to hear about Cara’s daughter’s f*cking pregnancy.

She’s going on and as always SHE brings up my son. I don’t talk about his death to many people. I talk about his life. I don’t like to relive it more than I already do. Anne says “Well, I never even got to have a child to lose.” Like wtf. I sent a message telling her that what she said was ignorant and hurtful in any context. This isn’t a competition. I said his death isn’t all about me. He's not a figment of my imagination.

He was a living, breathing, amazing human being that had his life ripped away at 22. To make like I’m lucky to have the “privilege” of losing my only son and isn’t as bad as if I’d never had kids set me off. I told her he wasn’t my imagination or the thought of a child.

I said the fact she won’t allow people to even use the word pregnancy around her isn’t normal. In my message I said that she could adopt children - but I can’t bring my son back. I’m wondering if I overreacted. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say.

The_Bad_Agent wrote:

NTA but why are you friends with this person?!

Fickle-Friendship998 wrote:

I understand your problem, my son was 18 but a friend like Anne would not have stayed my friend. Get rid of her, she is poison.

SleepyMillenial55 wrote:

Absolutely NTA. I am so sorry for your loss. It’s been nine years since my brother passed away at the age of 22. My Mom has friends who grieve their missed opportunity to have children of their own but would NEVER dream of comparing that to my brother’s death. Your friend needs some serious therapy.

I am wishing you so much love and healing right now, I know the holidays can exacerbate feelings of grief when there’s a loved one you wish was here to celebrate with you. ❤️

chocolate_chip_kirsy wrote:

NTA. This woman is not your friend. She's using you as an emotional commiserating punching bag. Her self-absorbed attitude is so strong she was fine with making a cruel comment to you. Cut her off or you'll hear comments like this again. They'll only get worse.

OP is NTA, her "friend" is a piece of work.