'AITA for saying to my sister that her son isn't autistic, but just a brat?'

"AITA for saying to my sister that her son isn't autistic, but just a brat?"

My (23f) sister (30f) had a son (9m) years ago and her behavior changed after he was born. My sister used to be a rational and kind person, but when her son was growing up I noticed that she didn't put any limit on him.

He runs around our parent's house and broke a lot of things on purpose, and still throws tantrums when my parents try to correct him. When our parents do that, she comes running and argues with them saying that her son is like that because he is autistic. However, there is no proof of this.

I've taken her to consultations with autism specialists and everyone said her son wasn't autistic, but she keeps telling people he is to justify his bad behavior.

Last week was my niece's birthday (my brother's daughter) and everyone in the family was there. My sister's son started throwing a tantrum when he saw that the cake wasn't for him. He started screaming, crying, and trying to destroy the cake.

Fortunately, my brother stopped him in time, but when he caught him, my sister came running saying that he couldn't use physical force against a child, because 'he is an autistic child.'

I just couldn't bear to hear that, I was already off-limits. I yelled at my sister and told her her son is not autistic but a spoiled brat with no boundaries and poorly raised. She looked at me in shock and many family members looked the same.

She left with her son without waiting for the cake and then sent me dozens of messages saying that I was an a**hole, prejudiced against autistic people, and that she expected an apology. I really like my sister, and now I think maybe I overreacted by yelling at her at a family event. So, AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Uselessmedics wrote:

NTA, people that try and use autism as an excuse for their kids being sh*t are the worst, especially if the kid doesn't even have autism.

napoleon_1066 wrote:

NTA. Being autistic requires a very specific diagnosis, and then therapy. If he's actually autistic, at 9 years olds he should be well into that therapy...it sounds like even if he is autistic, he's not getting the treatment he needs.

StarryNovaSaiyan wrote:

NTA - He doesn't know how to behave at the age of 9. He's been tested for autism many times and doesn't have it, but even if he WAS autistic that's no excuse to misbehave like that.

Not only that but she's throwing around a diagnosis he doesn't have as an excuse for her poor parenting. Your sister is setting her son up to fail in life socially because he didn't learn that the world doesn't revolve around him and he can't take no for an answer.

RighteousVengeance wrote:

NTA. You got that kid out of the house before he could destroy the cake and ruin the party, so kudos for that.

I also like the fact that you were able to share your assessment of that kid in the kid’s hearing. You should tell your sister that her child will not be allowed in your home until he is taught to behave.

Furthermore, I would stick to your guns about the autism. He is not autistic until an expert says he is. I would even consider calling CPS, as the child is in danger of Munchausen’s syndrome by proxy.