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Woman struggles to rebuild relationship with daughter she gave up for adoption.

Woman struggles to rebuild relationship with daughter she gave up for adoption.


In a post on Reddit a woman shared a story about trying to reconnect with the daughter she gave up for adoption. Here's her story.

'AITA for telling my daughters adoptive mother to back off?'

Ok, so I had my daughter at a point in my life where I wasn't equipped to handle a kid. Unfortunately I had to give her up when she was 3, and I have been NC with her ever since. [She's 16, 17 in two months now].

To make a long story short, recently we came back into contact and I couldn't be happier. The one problem is her adoptive mother, Terra. Ever since I met her she's been making comments, calling my daughter hers, and she just can't accept that she's not my daughters only mother anymore.

She tells people that she's my daughters mother, and sends me dirty looks when I correct her. I've been trying to spend as much time with my daughter as possible lately, and I asked if I could join her on her weekly dinner. But I didn't know that these dinners were between her and Terra, so when I showed up, I was surprised to see Terra there.

I was hurt and asked my daughter why she didn't want to spend time with me alone. Terra glared at me and told me that these dinners happen weekly and I could just set up another Meetup with my daughter alone. I snapped at her to back off, and that I just wanted time with my daughter. My daughter got up and told me to leave, and never say that to Terra again.

Now my daughter's been giving me the cold shoulder and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like Terra should back off and let me spend time with my daughter, but she won't stop butting into everything we do together. Am I really the AH here????

From the comments:

Salamander_9 asks:

INFO: Why did you give up your daughter? Was it due to financial reasons? Raising her alone? Drug/alcohol addiction? Illness? Without knowing the reason why its hard for me personally to judge. Maybe the adoptive mom has hee reasons to be wary of you being in contact with her and to not like you. Maybe she doesn't but I can't tell.

Hkbdtin OP responds:

I was a broke, alcoholic college student when I gave her up, and her dad basically ditched me when he found out I was pregnant.

FunkyOrangePenguin says:


Terra is her mother. She is upset because you disrespected her mother.

You haven’t seen her for 13 years and somehow feel entitled to ask her mother to “butt out”?

You’re a stranger to her. Of course her mother isn’t comfortable with unsupervised visits. Wake up.

tosser9212 says:

What an incredible level of entitlement and disconnection OP displays, expecting to be able to step in and be a mother after 13 years.

spiceworld90s says:

This post is quite upsetting, honestly. It just makes me so want to protect this kid because this woman has decided it’s her right to wedge in and rearrange this girl’s entire sense of family.

etalSqueezeBox says:

I feel a little bad for OP, but only because we don't know the circumstances of why she had to give up her biological daughter, and it must be difficult to accept that she has given up the chance of ever being her real mother. OP needs to accept the hard truth, and start treating Terra as her mother, because that's what she is.

Sources: Reddit
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