'AITA for asking my husband's sister to be our surrogate? She went off on us.'
It's so hard to have a baby these days. You need all the help you can get. When this mom to be wants her SIL to be her surrogate, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for asking my husband's sister to consider being a surrogate for us?'
My husband and I have been trying for pregnancy for years now, and to cut a long story short it seems as though it will never be a possibility. It took a long time to come to terms with but we've gradually got there.
Our entire family is aware of the journey we've been on and how much it meant to us. With that in mind, my husband and I came to his sister (Sarah) with a proposal.
Sarah is in her early 30s, unmarried, and vocally against having children of her own. Despite this we thought she might be open to the idea of a surrogate pregnancy on our behalf given she would not have to be involved in raising the child personally.
My husband is extremely close to his family and the idea of the entire process of surrogacy being contained to his blood felt extremely important to him. With that closeness in mind, we did not feel it was out of order to ask this sort of question.
We invited Sarah over for dinner and at the end of it laid out our request. We told her we had been saving over the years and would be willing to pay her as much as a regular surrogate would be paid...
(a pretty hefty fee so she would be able to take time off from work if it was required), help her out with everything she needed, plus we had no expectations that she must help raise the child just because she carried it.
We told her why it was important to us and how much it'd mean, and asked her to have an open mind about it. Sarah exploded at us. She said we were both out of our minds for making such a request, extremely selfish, and that we had no respect for her disinterest in children. She actually left early.
Right now she's refusing to take calls from us and even went as far as to ask my husbands parents to tell us to both not contact her until she decides to initiate it herself.
My husbands parents are sympathetic to us but say that we should have kept in mind Sarah's difficulties. My parents think she is behaving awfully. Most of my friends are on my side but a few have said that it was a bit of a rude request given everyone knows how much Sarah hates kids.
It's really weighing on my mind and I honestly never expected this kind of outcome. She literally blocked us on every platform she could. Are we really the ones behaving like an asshole?
Let's see what Reddit had to say.
nister00 writes:
YTA. You knew she's 'vocally against having children of her own' but you approached her anyway without first finding out how far that extends. That you had to prep her lavishly for the ask suggests you knew you were asking for something out of bounds.
Your language suggests you barely respect her. Why were you even talking about this with her and your husband's parents and with your parents? And now you've damaged her relationship with others who shouldn't be involved, namely your parents.
Wait until she comes to you, and when she does, apologize sincerely and profusely for not respecting her.
africabytoto867 writes:
NTA. Everyone is acting like they’re trying to FORCE her to be a surrogate. They just asked! She could’ve declined. If she declined and you kept pushing, it would be an issue, but you didn’t know she would be so strongly opposed to it. It’s why you asked.
abstractcoor876 disagrees:
YTA. Exactly this. Generally when women don’t want children (in my experience) they also don’t want to be pregnant.
While I’m sorry for your struggle there are so many options for children such as adoption or fostering, outside surrogate. Give your SIL space because if you don’t you may have permanently ruined that relationship.