Woman tells BF's father to his face that he 'isn't a real man' during the holidays. AITA?
When this woman upsets her boyfriend after insulting his father, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for insinuating my boyfriend's father wasn't a real man?"
I've been spending the holidays with my boyfriend and his family at his parents place and this morning I woke up to the amazing news that my period had started (what fun start to the new year!)so I asked my boyfriend to go get me pads in town.
His mother calls me down for breakfast and now I'm sitting at the dining table with his parents. His dad asks where my boyfriend is and I tell him he's gone to the stores to get me pads.
Both their faces dropped and they exchanged looks with each other before breaking into laughter about how progressive kids of today are and that some private woman things should remain between women.
His dad then said he's never even touched a pack of pads in all his years despite growing up with girls and being married for 40 years and never will because it doesn't concern men.
Slightly pissed off, on top my already bad mood, I decide to respond (was quiet until now) and said that it was funny how he said that with so much pride because then clearly he's not a real man if he can't just buy some f&ing pads.
After trying to stare me down he blew up shouting about how dare I say he wasn't a real man and ranted for 30 minutes about how much of a real man he was (and yet you can't even buy it some pads?) before storming off.
Things are now awkward and I'm contemplating apologizing and leaving to make things better. I'm aware my judgment is impaired and it's possible I took things too far so AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
ladykass79 writes:
ESH. Your boyfriends father has some antiquated ideas that you don't agree with (for valid reasons), but ultimately don't impact you since your boyfriend obviously doesn't share his views. You responded to this by attacking him where you knew it would offend someone who has demonstrated mild misogynistic behavior the most. You attacked his masculinity.
It wasn't a great call. He's your loved one's parent, and you are a guest in his home. You could have let this go. Or you could have expressed more mild disagreement without attacking him. "I understand some people can be uncomfortable with it, but I really appreciate how considerate and helpful your son is when I need something."
You owe him an apology for the personal nature of how you handled the disagreement even though your feelings were valid.
weirdpomegranate writes:
NTA. I must be the only one in these comments who can't seem to see the masculinity of boyfriend's father. I do see a lil' bch, though. He could have responded differently to what you said.
This is one of those things where it is best to do nothing after the event. If you apologize, lil un-masculine bch will find a way to demonstrate his fragile masculinity to you so that you can be sure he is a real man. All should move on.
catalclysmus7 writes:
ESH. I’m a man in my 40’s and I do all the shopping for my family. Guess what I go and buy for my wife every few weeks?
Having said that, you hit a mosquito with a sledgehammer on this one. His attitude was outdated, but you didn’t need to challenge his masculinity.
hotshotwriter7 writes:
His views are outdated, but sorry, YTA. He didn’t have a problem with his son buying pads for you. They simply remarked it was progressive. They’re boomers. That’s what they do.
They’ll say something that’s a thing today that wasn’t a thing in their time is progressive, and then give you that “back in my day” thing where they compare today’s generation with theirs.
You couldn’t have just let boomers be boomers. Instead you have to go all “hurr durr ur not a real man” to your significant other’s father in his own home because what, his personal views on female hygiene (that he isn’t enforcing on anyone, by the way) somehow offended you? No wonder we’re called the snowflake generation.
And FYI, you’re not really as progressive as you think you are. Thinking you can decide what makes a real man or not is enforcing the patriarchy, not dismantling it. YTA and a pig.