Woman tells husband, 'your mom is body shaming our toddler.' AITA?
When this mom is concerned that her MIL is being weird around her toddler, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling my husband that his mom is contradicting in how she shows "concern" for our toddlers health?"
So my (25F) husband (26M) is upset with me because last night his mom called him to ask us if we wanted to attend a family event later this week.
I told him we could but he sensed some lack of enthusiasm from me or just got the general feeling that I already wasn't looking forward to it. He asked me why I always act like that when some kind of event involving his family comes up. I finally told him its because his mom will make me uncomfortable when we go to these events.
She's always commenting about our toddler sons weight (who is nearly 2.5) and how he doesn't eat enough. We recently took a out of state trip for the holidays and stayed with some of his family.
For a total of 3 days I feel like they nonstop talked about our toddlers eating habits and how he's "so skinny". She made comments like "he used to be such a good eater" and by used too she means when he was 6-7 months old and barely starting to even taste food.
She even specifically asked if he weighs 40 pounds yet, to which I replied I think he would be considered overweight if he weighed 40 pounds after a quick google search that said an average child will weigh 40 pounds closer to 4 years of age.
My son was born ver small at only 5 pounds 7 ounces and is super active, nonstop playing all day. He probably weighs around 26 or 27 pounds which his pediatrician says is average and has never once showed concern regarding his weight/eating habits.
Not only around his family does she do this but every time we take him to her house, which is not that often but maybe 3 or 4 times a month she never fails to comment that he's "wasting away" or ervytime she sees him he is much thinner than before.
I also told him his mom does it to pick on me since every time she is sick with the cold or flu she makes huge pots of soups and invites us over to eat since she's made so much.
Last time we were thinking of somewhere to go out to eat because I had cooked all week and didn't have the energy that specific day or even feel like cooking. His mom called while we were deicing and let him know that she made a big pot of soup if we wanted to go over to eat.
He said oh thats great since we were deciding on going out to eat anyways and I was up for it (to go eat at his moms) she then asked how I was doing because I had just recently gotten over having covid. Mind you I am currently 7 months pregnant with our second.
My husband told her I was doing much better and she said oh good because she was very sick with something which is why she made soup.
Needless to say after the call I told my husband we wouldn't be going over because I could not get sick again and I didn't want our son getting sick either. This part of the rant is more to show that she really can't be that concerned over our toddler's health since she's always doing stuff like the above.
Anyways, my husband thinks I hate his mother and I don't know how to tell her if she could lay off the comments about toddlers weight not sounding like an AH. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
calicohippo writes:
Every time she does this, you say “he was recently checked by his Dr and he’s at a perfectly healthy weight for his age and height”. Repeat Every. Single. Time she says it.
As she keeps persisting, ask her if she would prefer that he be obese as a 2 year old, start down a path towards diabetes as a teenager, that a typical 4 yr old weighs 40lbs, ask her if she’d like to come argue with the Dr, etc.
Make her explain herself. Do not let up once. Don’t argue- just counter with facts. Remain calm and when you’ve had enough, take your kid and go outside to play away from her.
I did this with my annoying MIL who constantly harped on my kids weight. She was too skinny, too tall, my son’s head was too big, he was too fat, on and on. I countered her every time with facts and asked her what was she really saying? Was she saying that her son was neglecting his kids?
That I was? I preferred she sit there silently pissed at me, rather than listen to her badgering. My DH’s jellyfish spine eventually got stronger and we stopped having to visit her(host of other reasons), she did a real head number on my niece who also chooses not to visit her because “grandma won’t stop talking about her weight”. NTA.
halsereneity writes:
NTA!! All 3 of my kids are tiny. All were 6 lb plus a tad at birth. EVERY SINGLE ONE is always at the bottom of the "normal" growth curve, hanging on with a fingernail bottom. My Dr told me not to worry as long as they showed steady weight gain.
Even if they love forever at the bottom of the growth chart they are still growing and strong. I got questioned a lot because they also had huge heads 90% and up so it made them look even smaller. But I knew they were healthy and told anyone who asked that my Dr and I weren't concerned and that usually shut them up.
psychologicalart7 writes:
NTA. My former MIL was obsessed with my youngest like this. His favorite food was chicken nuggets and anything potato based.
Always baked, not fried - yet she would continuously lecture me that his cholesterol (as a toddler) must be so very high. I finally asked the pediatrician at my next appointment, got the number (which was a non issue) and got her to shut up with it.
I caution that this was just one of many, many items she would try to poke at me for. Hence the reason she’s now former MIL (and also due to her son being a cheating jerk who abandoned his kids but that’s another story).