Woman tells sister, 'you need to deal with your bad parenting in therapy.' AITA?
When this woman tells her sister the truth, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling my sister she needs therapy?"
My sister Myra (40F) has a daughter Callie (19F). Callie's dad was not in her life when she was a child (his choice) and Myra was a single mom for Callie's entire childhood. There was a time, when Callie was 8, that Myra got into a relationship with a man called Troy.
They were together for 3 years and the three spent a lot of time together. Myra introduced Troy almost immediately and they worked on all of them bonding and getting to know each other. Then after 3 years Troy and Myra had been talking marriage.
Troy decided to ask Callie for her blessing. Callie said she didn't want her mom to marry him. At that point he decided the relationship as a whole was not going to work and he told Myra and they broke up.
Myra never forgave Callie for refusing to give her blessing and she blames her for the downfall of the relationship with Troy. He didn't want to be stuck in a relationship where Callie would never want him around and Myra was convinced that Callie had lied for many years and has said Callie always said how much she loved Troy.
I know that was more wishful thinking on Myra's part and Callie never said anything either positive or negative. She was never asked and never offered it independently.
Callie knows how Myra feels about her and when she moved out 18 months ago, she did so with being fully independent from her mom so she wouldn't have to be around her mom's resentment. I have spoken to my sister about this and she denies resenting Callie. It's bad parenting.
Myra cannot understand why Callie stays away. She has complained about this a lot and has asked me what she's supposed to do and why "this sh&t" has to be so hard and when I ask her what she means she says parenting.
I told her a few days ago that if she really wants to know what her next step should be, I told her it's therapy. I told her she badly needs it because she refuses to see why her relationship with Callie is so distant today.
Myra took offense to the suggestion and told me I shouldn't be treating her like she's crazy. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
catsinthewalls writes:
NTA. You don't have to be 'crazy' to go to therapy. People tend to assume that therapy is just meant to help mental illnesses and disorders but it can be instrumental in unpacking the past and letting the unspoken things be spoken.
If you what you say is true, Myra was blaming her 11-year-old daughter for how her relationship with Troy ended and she needs to reflect on how her resentment affected her and her daughter's relationship going forward.
kindlyegg7480 writes:
NTA. You can try to state it in a way that does not offend your sister "Therapists are very experienced in family issues and they can help you understand why Callie acted the way she did and navigate your relationship with her in the future".
She does not have to believe she is the problem and needs fixing to go to therapy. She can discover that later on, hopefully.
samsamcat writes:
NTA. She’s telling you that she’s struggling emotionally. The appropriate thing to do when a crucial relationship has broken down is to get counseling—that relationship isn’t magically going to get easier on it’s own.
As an outsider in the situation you can see that she is hurt and that Callie is hurt, so obviously they need to do something different. She needs to respond to her daughter in a different way, because clearly things aren’t working.
That’s what therapy is for. People don’t seem to get that. It’s not for curing ‘crazy.’ It’s for learning how to respond differently (and more effectively) to difficult situations.