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Woman threatens husband, 'it's me or your stepdaughter's family, you can't have both.' AITA?

Woman threatens husband, 'it's me or your stepdaughter's family, you can't have both.' AITA?


When this woman is fed up with her husband's stepdaughter and her family, she asks Reddit:

"AITA for telling my husband I will move back in once my stepdaughter and her family move out?"​​​​​​

I married my husband when his daughter, Trudi, was 22, she is now 36. He was 47 and I was 32. I have two kids, 20 and 18 now. Both are away at college.

Trudi never liked me and that was fine. She has a mother and she was a full adult living on her own when we met. Her parents had been divorced for six years when I met her father.

We live in a city with lots of tourism so it was an easy decision to keep my apartment and do short term rentals when my kids and I moved in with my husband. We also use it for out of town guests.

Trudi and her husband ran into some financial problems last year. Trudi and her family of four moved in with us. We agreed that after the holidays I would stop taking reservations for my apartment and they could move in there.

They would sign a lease and we would "rent" it to them without collecting rent so they could build up rental history and money.

Trudi moved in last October. It was hell. She doesn't help around the house and neither do her kids. Her husband is working his ass off to get money together for them so he comes home exhausted. And he is more help than her or their kids. The three of them leave dirty dishes everywhere.

Dirty laundry everywhere. The house is just a mess. I have spoken to all of them, including my husband about this. My son-in-law is the only one who makes an effort. Trudi literally said that I live in her father's house so I don't get to tell her what to do. My husband did not back me up.

So I moved out. My apartment is now empty since the holidays are over. I said I didn't want them treating my property like they were treating my husband's home.

They are all mad at me for leaving and changing the plan. She actually threatened to sue me since they have a signed lease. I told her to go ahead since I could prove that I never got the agreed upon deposit or first and last month's rent. (Which we were going to "cover" to help them start over).

I've been here for a week now and it is great. No noise, no mess, a much better commute for me to my work. My husband has been spending a few nights a week here with me. He wants me to come home and give them the apartment like we agreed. I said I would do that if we went back to his house that minute and it was in good shape.

Narrators voice over goes here "it was not". It was disgusting. Like it smelled bad. It was like if five teenage boys were living there with no supervision.

She saw me looking around in disgust and said that it wasn't her fault and that the mess was because they didn't have their own living space. Yeah sure. I turned around and went back to my place.

I offered to let my husband move in with me if he wants them to have their own space. He won't because he is retired and likes where he is.

So like I said they are all mad at me. My husband, Trudi, her kids. Trudi's husband is the only one who understands my position. I will no longer agree to let them in my apartment at I will also only move back once they leave. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

monsteratseamonster7 writes:

NTA - Did you really need to ask? You're so obviously in the right here! It was so generous of you to offer your apartment in the first place. Then she was untidy and rude in your own home.

And that BS about it being her dad's home? Hmm. Did she not process that under the same logic, the apartment is your home?

Sorry, but no no no. I get that divorced or remarried dads often have a bit of a guilt complex around their kids, especially daughters. But he's already doing all that he can. You can't expect to stay with people long term and be a burden on them with chores and housekeeping. It seems the son in law totally understands the situation.

I wonder if your husband can talk to your son in law about it. You could also show your husband the responses you inevitably get here.

As a side note, I don't think son in law will stick around together with such a mismatch in how much work they do and general manners. He deserves better, too.

successfulbath6 writes:

NTA. Your Husband is going to need to be given an ultimatum, you or them, and stop letting him sleep over, you are letting him get away from it.

Make sure you are not paying any of the bills for your Husbands shit hole, tell him you won't move back till they have gone and the whole place has been professionally deep cleaned (He is paying for that)! Also if you are part owner you should be able to evict them!

prouddidi writes:

NTA. Trudy needs to be very careful If the home SMELLS, even if there are a few feet between homes, neighbors will likely smell it if they have to walk past your home. she needs to be aware that neighbors will not like them bringing the property value down, and if they know kids are in the home 'someone' could anonymously call CPS and say the children are in peril.

If CPS shows up and can smell the home, and they are not allowed in, they have cause to contact police. If they refuse police entry, police can actually force their way in, if they also smell the filth, and believe the children are in danger. There are always emergency circumstances where police do not need a warrant, especially when small children or at risk residents are involved.

Trudy has stated that she is staying in HER FATHER'S HOME, and he approved this and did not tell her that it was YOUR HOME.

Leave him to his home, and you stay in yours. Go back to pick up a few things, and take pictures while you are there. You can say it's just to compare it to the 'clean' version you wish to return to.

This will come in handy if CPS approaches you, in case Trudy makes some silly statement that the home condition is recent and due to some unexpected circumstance, then the timestamps on the pics will prove her lie. It will also help if you and your husband get the marriage counseling you desperately need, if he tries to downplay the living conditions.

If she blames your husband, then they will demand she find alternate housing, such as a different relative, or a shelter. OR that she clean the home for a very close follow up inspection. Whatever you do, good luck getting your life back together.

Looks like OP is NTA. Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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