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Woman threatens to terminate pregnancy if BF doesn't ghost 'evil' mom. AITA? UPDATED.

Woman threatens to terminate pregnancy if BF doesn't ghost 'evil' mom. AITA? UPDATED.


When this mom to be is fed up with how her BF's mom manipulates him and treats her, she asks Reddit:

"Aitah for telling my boyfriend I will terminate the pregnancy if he doesn't ghost his mom?"

I'm (23F) has been withy boyfriend (23M) for 8 months, we were college buddies before but we had feelings for each so we're here now.

Yesterday my boyfriend was taking me to see his mother for the first time because we had big news to tell her, I am 5 weeks pregnant with our first child. I know I'm really young to have a child.

Ok, I was happy to see his mom because he talked good about her so I was intrigued and meeting her, and if I knew she didn't like me I would have never went there.

I remember when I walked in the house she looked at me like I was some different creature from another planet, she looked at me and that she looked at her son like he did something wrong.

I ignored it because it was not my place to act out in someone else house so I kept it respectful, she already made dinner and I was hungry.

When my boyfriend was going to make a plate for me she grabbed the plate and said" I don't want that negro eating my food, get her out this house" she said it in Spanish, I was hurt when I heard this because it's crazy how so many people are racist.

I understood Spanish but I never told my boyfriend I knew Spanish because I like to be nosey and hear what people were saying.

When she said that I acted like nothing happened, my boyfriend said we can share a plate and not to be greedy or anything but I wanted my own plate but it was fine. He could tell I was upset and took me in the bathroom to talk to me, I told him that I heard what his mom said and he didn't defend me.

He said that she doesn't see black people like that so it isn't normal to me and I swear I wanted to punch him in the face because why is he so dumb.

Before I stormed out the bathroom I told him that I will get an abortion if he doesn't correct his mother behavior because I'm not going to have my child around a racist grandmother to traumatize her because black people go through enough.

I also threatened to breakup with him but he's acting like a baby, he's definitely a Mama's boys. I also told him, you BETTER ignore your mother, since she's evil, or I am not having this baby. Aitah?

Before we give you OP's final update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

okdesign705 writes:

NTA. Having a racist MIL, a BF with no backbone, and then bringing a child into the mix would make one consider an abortion.

Your bf can't stand up for you and that makes me think that he won't be able to protect your baby. To be disliked, and disrespected based on your race is very hurtful and I don't think your child should be born into a situation like that.

I'd think hard and decide if I can raise this child on my own, decide to keep it or not, and cut ties with MIL and BIF.

fatblok4 writes:

NTA. I don't think you should have a baby with this man. There's the problem of his racist mother but the bigger problem is that he didn't correct her/defend you - he should have done this immediately.

But not only did he not correct his mother and defend you of his own volition - he hasn't even done it at all. He is condoning his mother's ongoing racism towards you. Would he allow his mother and other relatives to be racist towards your future children?

PS. It maybe unwise to tell family and friends about a pregnancy until you get past 12 weeks, when the pregnancy is relatively safe. In the event that you had a miscarriage, the last thing you would want is people regularly asking you about the pregnancy and how you feel.

willirish writes:

NTA. A few things. You’re still very young, and this relationship isn’t even a year in. PLEASE be more responsible with se%. This exact scenario is why I say that. You haven’t been with this guy long enough to really vet him.

And you just saw why that’s so important. He didn’t have your back with his mother. He sounds like a momma’s boy. I married a Thai woman. I would have eaten my mother’s soul if she insulted her like that. This is intolerable behavior, and your boyfriend showed you where his loyalty is - with his mother. I would absolutely get the abortion.

Right now in your early 20’s, you don’t see just how much misery and stress will be involved by sharing a child with this man. His mother will never improve. These types never do. So either your boyfriend remembers where his balls are and has your back 100%, or my advice is to drop him like a bad habit and value yourself more.

I’m shocked you didn’t leave the house right after she made a comment about your race and freaked out about you eating her food. I would have calmly left and never looked back. Never tolerate this level of mistreatment.

This woman is a trash human. Your boyfriend is a spineless momma’s boy. I’m sorry I don’t have better options and only you can decide what to do, but please carefully consider how your life will look with this guy and mis mother in it.

darkality7 writes:

YTA. Don't get me wrong, your boyfriend and his mother are both assholes here too. But the choice to have or to abort a child is not some sort of power play you can use to dictate the actions of others.

If your situation doesn't feel like one that could support a child, and you choose to abort, that is entirely up to you. But to try and use the potential life of a child as a bargaining tool to demand compliance is just sick.

nordicpapaya writes:

ESH. Your MIL is a racist, your bf sucks a lot (he knew his mom was like that and did not tell her you were black beforehand, wtf? And then let her treat you worse than one would a dog).

But you sound very immature too, you don't care about your future child at all if mil being a pos is enough for you to terminate. In general a 23yo can be an independent adult with a degree, a job and a stable home situation, planning for a baby and becoming a responsible parent, many people your age have children and raise them just fine with their partners.

But it's not your case right now, so may be a break up and abortion is the right choice.

whydoyouscaremuch writes:

YTA for weaponizing an abortion via an ultimatum. (But considering the circumstances I can understand why you felt so strongly).

You are not the asshole for anything else. Your feelings are warranted and it is completely understandable if you do not want to continue a relationship with him and have the abortion.

Asking someone to give up their Mother after 8 months is a bit much. Even though she is 100% in the wrong for how she treated you. Find someone with a family who isn’t stuck in the 1950s.

Trust me you don’t want to be with someone or coparent with someone who will resent you down the road for setting a boundary this big. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will stand up against racism.

jumpyprofit7 writes:

Wow, what a mess. In general, NTA. You're not the 1st and you won't be the last potential DIL to run into a racist MIL. I don't think it's your place to tell your BF to "Correct" his mother's behavior.

His mother is his mother, just like you are his girlfriend and the mother of his child. HOWEVER, if you are to have a family with this man you are most definitely within your right to insist that you be his #1 and to demand that he stick up for you.

If you haven't already, I would advise that you communicate to him clearly that your expectations are that he stick up for you whether or not you are in is presence, no matter who insults you.

Potential MIL will probably leave you alone and may even come around if she knows that her son is setting clear boundaries. Will it "correct" things? Remains to be seen, but at least you'll know who's in your corner.

obviouspeanut8 writes:

Honey, I am so sorry you went through that and you are NTA, but a few observations:

-It isn't wise to have children with or marry someone whose family you haven't met. Some people will not give up on family. It is often unreasonable to ask them to.

-It isn't wise to have children with someone you've known for 8 months. You don't know them yet. Trust me, I know you feel strongly that you do, but you don't. You haven't seen them change yet, and probably haven't seen them under intense stress. Have more patience-at least wait one year, preferably two.

-It isn't fair to to force someone to choose between cutting off their mother or not having a baby. What his mom said to you was horrible, and it is perfectly reasonable that you should not want to raise a child around that family.

Don't give him a choice, just tell him your decision to have the abortion. He can offer compromise to change your mind, but forcing a choice is not fair.

Also, remember that some of us are extremely dumb and need patience. Some of us aren't raised with a good understanding of racial disparity, and don't recognize it until it's called out.

readstoomuch0 writes:

NTA.. Wow, his mother is a real nasty racist piece of trash. I can't believe the spineless mommas boy just stood there and said nothing. Dump his pathetic ass.. You need to do whatever is best for you and your future..

having the child would be problematic for you from the start it would link you to the spineless mommas boy and his racist kin for the rest of your life and at some point you would have to explain things to that child.. being a single mum is hard. It's doable...

if this is what you decide to do, but there is nothing wrong with you deciding to put yourself first and not going through with the pregnancy. This way, you can wait until you're in a good, secure place with a good partner who isn't a weak pathetic fool and whose family are not racist A-holes..

Then, OP offers this MAJOR UPDATE about the situation; TRIGGER WARNING:

UPDATE: hi everyone I'm not really going to make another poster update so I'm just going to edit on the original post, I have decided that I will be getting abortion pills from planned Parenthood...

because I really think I'm not ready to be a single mother as if you left alone and even if I'm far away from my ex-boyfriend mother grandparents still have the authority to our kids even if you had any.

And I'm not mentally ill because I thought of abortion, not everyone is pro-life not everyone approach and then it's perfectly fine but no one should ever be ashamed about it because of their choice...

but I understand everyone's opinions is different and every once emotions are different as well but I do appreciate all the advice that I'm getting from everyone thank you so much!.

And by the way if all the pro-lifers think they can try to make me not give you abortion and try to insult me it's not going to work because that's what you guys always do you guys should have insult women for getting abortion because you don't believe in it no one cares...

if you don't believe in it if you don't believe in it get over it you're acting like it's your issue get over it, you guys love to throw insults when you guys don't get your way but you guys are the ones that don't even adopt kids so let women get abortions if they want to and if not stop being miserable and get a life.

Looks like the jury is REALLY OUT on this one. What would YOU do in this situation?

Sources: Reddit
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