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Woman uninvites BIL from XMAS when he tells her son to call her 'Kate,' not, 'mama.' AITA?

Woman uninvites BIL from XMAS when he tells her son to call her 'Kate,' not, 'mama.' AITA?

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When this woman is sick of her BIL's behavior, she asks Reddit:

"AITA for disinviting my BIL from Christmas because he keeps telling my son to call me by my first name?"

My husband has 3 brothers. Charlie and Mike are in their 30s, while Spencer is 5 years old. Spencer is their half-brother from their dad’s second marriage. Their father passed away shortly after Spencer was born.

2 years ago, Spencer’s mother went to prison. My husband and I began fostering him. It didn’t take long for him to actually feel like our son. As it was, my husband and Spencer didn’t have a very brotherly relationship given the 30 year age gap. He already was more of an uncle.

6 months ago, Spencer’s mom lost her parental rights. My husband and I have been working on adopting him. It should be finalized after Christmas! Spencer is so excited. He’s been calling us mama and daddy for a little over a year now, so this is just basically all legal, not changing how we feel in our hearts.

Charlie and Mike have been supportive of the whole ordeal for the most part, but we’ve faced a road bump recently. When Spencer began calling us mama and daddy, Charlie found it odd. He said that we weren’t his parents.

I said legally, yes we are. I said he doesn’t have to be “Uncle Charlie” if he doesn’t want to be, but we are raising him. Charlie says that we’re basically erasing their dad from Spencer’s life. I said no, we talk about him AND Spencer’s bio mom often. This won’t be a secret.

As it is, Spencer is very smart and is aware that he only came to live with us 2 years ago. Mike and my husband have both told Charlie to let it go.

I’ve noticed, however, that when talking to Spencer, he refers to me and my husband by our first names. Or he’ll say “ask your brother”, referring to my husband, or “go show your sister-in-law” when referring to me. Spencer is confused because he knows my husband is his brother but he doesn’t look at him like that. We’ve tried talking to him about it but Charlie claimed “it’s force of habit”.

We were trying to let it go but then one day, Charlie corrected Spencer when he called me “mama” and said “no, that’s Kate”. Spencer got confused and said “no, that’s mama!” Charlie told him that I’m not his mother. This only upset Spencer further.

I’ve had enough, frankly. Spencer is our son. We have him in therapy and have also asked Charlie and Mike to attend family therapy with us. Only Mike has agreed. I told my husband that I don’t want Charlie at Christmas (we’re hosting) if he’s just going to upset Spencer and undermine our place as his parents.

My husband said it’s completely up to me. So, I told Charlie either he stops correcting Spencer or he can’t come.

Now, Charlie is mad and says I’m keeping his brothers from him at Christmas. I said if my husband wants, he can go visit him. And if he wants to see Spencer, he can promise to stop undermining my place. Charlie called me dramatic.

MIL wants all of her boys at Christmas and says that I can put up with it for just one day. She said it’s hard for her to be around Spencer but she does it for us, so I can put up with Charlie and “see his side”. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

youthasia writes:

Who is hosting this Christmas party, you, or your MIL? If you are hosting, OP, then you can make the guest list and ignore any comments from the peanut gallery. If MIL wants to spend time with Charlie, she may certainly do so, but she may do it elsewhere.

Charlie needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. What your little boy calls you is not up to him, and it’s none of his business. If Charlie doesn’t behave, Charlie can’t come to the party. It’s that simple. NTA.

hazbomb24 writes:

We deal with this with fosters all the time, and you are 100% NTA. We try to teach all of our kiddos that having more than one mom, dad, grandpa, grandma, etc is a good thing, and they don't have to be biological to qualify. We also let them call us whatever they're comfortable with.

honrymon writes:

Nta. What does your husband do to correct his brother? Has he set any boundaries himself, or is he relying on you to do the emotional heavy lifting?

Looks like OP is NTA here. Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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