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Woman walks out of surprise baby shower thrown by friends who 'betrayed her.' AITA?

Woman walks out of surprise baby shower thrown by friends who 'betrayed her.' AITA?


When this woman is irritated by her friends who throw her a surprise baby shower, she asks Reddit:

"AITA for walking out on a surprise baby shower my friends threw me?"

I (24F) am currently 30 weeks pregnant. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love kids and how badly I want to have my own. So naturally when I found out I was over the moon.

I decided to tell my close friends the news early on, and I hosted a dinner at my place and brought out a cake at the end of to announce the news to them all.

I expected them to be excited for me because they all knew how much it meant to me, but they gave me half-hearted responses along the lines of "Oh, Congrats", "I had no idea" etc. I was underwhelmed by their reaction but I intially brushed it off as shock, before they then started to question my decision to have the baby.

I was bombarded with questions and 'advice' about how I was too young, I haven't known my boyfriend long enough, he wasn't going to be a good dad etc. I knew they never really liked my boyfriend but I never expected them to vocalise that when I just announced the happiest news of my life to them. I was left feeling incredibly hurt and betrayed by that night.

Despite those events, I still kept contact with those friend, but I wasn't as close to them as I was before that night. Still, I received an invitation to a "Friendsmas" party they were hosting. It felt as though they were extending an olive branch so I accepted the invitation.

Turns out their "Friendsmas" party was actually a surprise baby shower for me. They had put in a lot of work with the decorations and food. I had been just starting the process of discussing my baby shower with my SIL who had taken charge of planning it for me, so I thought she was in on the surprise.

I was really overjoyed by the gesture initially, but then realised they hadn't invited a single one of my family members. I had been so excited to share my baby shower with my mum, nan, and SIL who I'm very close to. Instead, they had invited some of their own friends who I barely knew.

That made me feel that this was not a genuine attempt to apologise, but rather a superficial action to clear their conscience about that night. In the time between then and now none of them had apologised about what happened.

I told them I had no interest in taking part in this baby shower, and that if they really cared about me they wouldn't have excluded my family in place of some people I barely knew. I started to walk out of the baby shower and one of my friends followed after, telling me how rude I was being after all the work they put in.

I'm torn. I feel like I horribly overreacted to what was a nice gesture. If it was a genuine attempt at an apology I've gone and jeapordised any chance of repairing the friendship.

But also, I've dreamt up my first baby shower for years, and the thought of experiencing that without my closest family would feel empty. My boyfriend and SIL both say I did the right thing by walking out, but they both have an emotional connection to the issue. I need an objective response. AITA?

Readers were COMPLETELY torn.

throw7790 writes:

Eh, YTA. Your friends were doing something nice for you. And if you guys are all younger, direct apologies can be tough and awkward and some people just aren't emotionally mature enough to have a straight forward conversation about something so big.

I think the surprise was exactly what you said, a nice gesture and a genuine attempt at an apology.

You can still have a baby shower with your family. Just because someone threw you a surprise shower doesn't take away from one with your family. They could've just had a Christmas party and not invited you at all. But they threw a party and made it entirely about you.

The timing of voicing their concerns was probably wrong. But they seem like genuine friends if they're making sure you're doing what's best for you. If they weren't, they'd probably be bad friends.

Also for what it's worth, if none of your friends like your boyfriend, you should really try and understand why. No one knows you like your friends do and they may have valid reason.

honeymommy writes:

NTA and everyone piling on you clearly hasn't had kids... First off, I'd be super weirded out if I had a baby shower thrown for me when literal strangers were in attendance. Like, no, I don't want to talk about my future children with you. I literally just met you five minutes ago.

Also... People register for baby showers, so that the gifts given to her are actually wanted/needed. Or are these "friends" just creating more things for OP to do because she's gonna have to go around and return all of the stupid gifts that she was given that she probably doesn't even want.

Mom's typically have an idea of what products they want to use on their child...

Lastly... It's really rude to do a bait and switch on people. Being told that you are having a friend's giving and then being put on the spot to say. Hey, we threw a shower just for you. I would be pretty upset as well.

They ruined your announcement and s&&& talked your partner. Now they've decided to throw you a shower without even checking in to see what you wanted to do. And put a bad taste in your mouth... I'd honestly go very low contact with that group as a whole.

popularway7 writes:

YTA. What a preggo-zilla. You weren’t smothered in good wishes at your announcement; they had concerns. THOSE ARE FRIENDS. They threw you a friends-group shower. THOSE ARE FRIENDS.

Get over this absurd notion that the first of your showers has to be the family one. Sis can still have that family shower. For all I know your workplace is having one too. THOSE ALSO ARE PEOPLE WHO CARE. Embrace the caring environment.

mrfruitfly writes:

NTA. Just because people do something nice doesn't mean you have to accept it. First, even if the news was a shock, or that they don't like your boyfriend, they have the complete ability to not say all the things in their head.

I've been presented with plenty of things I disagreed with or just found shocking- getting engaged after like 3 months, pregnancy when there is no boyfriend, getting back with ex we don't like- and you smile and nod and internally think about how and IF you should ask any questions or poke around.

They were unkind and judgmental, and they didn't make any attempt to own up to what they did.

I think this is probably a mix of them genuinely wanting to say they are sorry (the olive branch) and making themselves feel better.

But instead of doing the hard work- calling you and apologizing- they did the fun work of throwing you a party and expecting to just sweep their behavior under the rug. And you didn't want that. That is why you walked out.

You walked in to a room knowing how these people feel about your partner and your pregnancy, and you didn't want this gesture. It reminds me of when a man proposed to a woman on like her graduation day, making a moment about her about him.

Your friends decided their gesture was more important than how you would want to celebrate your baby. They centered themselves in your story.

You didn't want this, you weren't ready for it, and while a surprise baby shower is nice and there can be other showers and all that, you didn't want it from THESE people.

That's totally fair. And the fact that they again centered themselves- we put work in, be grateful, don't ruin OUR plans- instead of coming to you with "we didn't think you would react this way, how can we make this right" tells me you probably made the right decision.

Jury is OUT on this one. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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