Woman wants mom to only babysit her kids, NOT her brother's. AITA?
When this woman lays down the law with her mom and brother, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for wanting my mom to only babysit my kids and not my brother’s?'
So I (37F) am married and have two kids (11 and 8). My husband and I both work full time corporate jobs so we don’t get home until 5-6pm every night. We used to have a nanny who would pick the kids up from school and stay at home until one of us came back.
Almost a year ago, my father unfortunately passed leaving my mother (60F) alone, so between her, my husband and I, we all thought it’d be best for my mother to move in with us.
It basically became the arrangement that my husband and I renovated our home to create an in law suite for my mom to live in full time and we help take care of her bills, and she will essentially replace our nanny and look after our kids 2:30pm-6pm Monday-Friday.
It’s been great having her around, but the issue is that my brother (32M) and his wife (SIL) think it’s unfair and showing “favorites” if my mom only babysits my kids and not theirs.
Last week, SIL literally just dropped off her kids (2 and 4) at my house as soon as my husband I left for work and I only found out through my Ring camera.
My husband and I don’t want my brother’s kids at our house because 1) they’re very young and our house is not babyproofed and has many fragile items I know they will try to get into 2) the 4yo...
is extremely spoiled and his parents never say no or give him consequences so he goes to anyone’s house and has bad behavior 3) my mom only watches my kids for about three hours everyday, but my SIL is dropping off her kids ALL day at MY house even when my kids aren’t being watched.
I talked to my mom and she said she doesn’t know if she’s comfortable with watching 4 kids at once but she’ll try if needed and it’s ultimately up to me if my brother’s kids can come over since it’s my house.
So I told my brother and SIL no and SIL has been sending me the rudest messages about how I’m turning my kids spoiled and letting them have their grandmother’s favoritism etc etc.
Also that I could afford a nanny but I’m choosing to “use” my mother when she and my brother can’t afford other childcare. I just reminded her that she’s a SAHM and it’s her JOB to look after her kids, not my mother’s, and blocked her. So AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say.
technicalrooster7 writes:
NTA. It's not 'favoritism.' She isn't living with bro and SIL and they aren't paying her bills. Apparently she wants to be a trophy wife not a SAHM. We have some of those in my town. No job outside the home, plus they have a nanny and a maid, send the laundry out, and get the groceries (mainly heat and eat items) delivered.
zenock43 writes:
YTA for expecting Mom to watch your kids as the price for her living with you. Get your nanny back. No one should be expecting mom to watch their kids. If Mom wants to thats fine and she can watch the kids at the home of the person who shes watching for. But no one should be EXPECTING mom to watch their kids.
individuale7 writes:
ESH. You and your SIL are comingling personal/family matters with what looks like a financial arrangement between you and your mother. In return for living rent-free in your home, your mom has agreed to supervise/care your two (older) kids.
You are making this a business transaction; hence, your SIL is meddling with your business arrangement. On the other hand, your SIL is making it a personal affair. What is more, she is taking advantage of your mother by leaving her children there for an entire day at a time.
Your mother made it clear that she is not comfortable caring for all four kids; but she seems willing to help out, if it's necessary. Rather than tell your SIL (or even her own son) how she feels about being saddled with all four children, she is letting you be the bad guy.
You and your mother need to become clear on exactly what the agreement between the two of is. Then the two of you need to inform your brother and SIL. But remember that, since your mother does live in your home, She should have the flexibility of caring for your niece and nephew, at her sole discretion.