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Woman wants to step down as sister's MOH to take care of her infant. AITA?

Woman wants to step down as sister's MOH to take care of her infant. AITA?


When this woman wants to step down as MOH for her sister, she asks Reddit:

"WIBTA if I stepped down as MOH/didn’t go to my sister’s wedding?"

My sister got engaged a few months ago and she has always wanted a child free wedding. She is arranging for a sitter for our cousins young children and there will be absolutely no other kids at the wedding.

I have been married a little over a year and we are pregnant! This puts our due date a couple months before my sister’s wedding.

When I told my sister, she was happy for me, and asked if I wanted to use the same sitter as our cousin or if she wanted me to find one that is more specialized in infants.

This took me aback. At that age, my child will still be nursing, and I assumed it would be okay for me to bring my child as I am her sister and MOH.

I shouldn’t be surprised given her views on kids at weddings, and admittedly, I also had a child free wedding (although none of my close family members had small kids).

When I protested, she let me know that she would be okay if the baby came to the reception, provided I/my husband step out if the child cries or fusses during “important moments”, but that she’s firm that she doesn’t want any distractions at the ceremony.

The place she is getting married is an inn that we are also staying at, so she said if I really wanted she could hire a sitter to come to the inn and I could check in with the baby throughout the event.

I know she is being sorta reasonable, but I really can’t see myself wanting to leave my 2 month old with a stranger at any point during the day. I want to be her MOH and be there for her, but I’m not sure if I can be anymore.

WIBTA if I dropped out of the wedding? My husband is good friends with the groom and also in the wedding party, that’s why he was not brought up as an option.

Let's see what readers thought.

redgreenocean writes:

YTA if you skip the wedding. Step down as MOH ok -- you may be tired, etc but still come to the wedding if you can -- she's your sister. Maybe your husband could stay with the baby during the wedding. He's no stranger and the wedding is right THERE -- you are just steps away from baby.

Not coming is just getting even. It's normal for babies to cry; it's normal for brides to want the wedding to be focused on the wedding.

teetertot writes:

YTA - but softly. There's a lot to say here. Let's start with you had no right to protest her choice for a child-free wedding, especially because you had a child-free wedding and now that you have a baby doesn't make you an exception.

She also offered a compromise so you can still have your infant there for a little while during the day. And of course she wants to baby gone so people can let loose edit: at the reception.

I'm wondering if your baby has medical issues or is there any other reason aside from your being a new mom that you don't want to leave your new born to support you sister on her special day. I'm assuming she's only going to get married once so is there a specific reason why you can't separate from your new born for a few hours?

lurkeque writes:

NTA. I wouldn’t be okay with leaving a newborn with a stranger either. I understand that your sister is trying to make accommodations, but they won’t work for you.

Are your husband’s parents involved with you at all? Would your sister consider letting his mom, the baby’s grandma, attend the reception? Would you consider getting her a room at the inn?

It would be a big ask, but your MIL could watch the baby during the ceremony, then bring the baby to you at the reception and stay for a drink and a meal. It’s a stretch, but then your sister could see that you’re really trying to work it out on her behalf and you wouldn’t have to compromise your rule on strangers.

If that doesn’t work, I don’t think bowing out of the wedding is so bad, especially if you still go to the reception. She’ll have to determine if she will replace you as MOH and you’ll have to be okay with whatever she decides.

Looks like the jury's out. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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