Woman warns SIL that her crib's 'chic' aesthetic will put baby's safety at risk. AITA?
When this woman feels like she may have upset her future SIL, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for sending my brother’s fiancé information on safe sleep practices?'
My (30F) baby brother, Tommy, died due to unsafe sleep practices. At the time, these things weren’t known and unfortunately, Tommy fell under the statistic of children who lost their lives.
It was obviously traumatic and devastating for my whole family. A year after he passed, my brother, Kyle (now 24), was born. He grew up knowing about Tommy but understandably never felt a genuine connection to him.
In the years since, I have been an advocate for safe sleep practices. This includes cribs being empty except for a fitted sheet and pacifier, along with a sleep sack. I understand this is not as well known in other countries and is mostly an American thing, but it does still happen worldwide.
Survivor’s bias is why many don’t see the big deal. Heck, in America, this wasn’t well known when even I was born which is why this happened to Tommy in the first place. The point is, now we are learning and are doing better. It’s the same with car seats. There’s so much survivor bias but there’s a reason why these practices have changed.
I have since been told the above is false and that many European countries do advocate for this. I’m glad to hear it. 90% of Europeans (outside Sarah) I speak to act as if this is solely an American issue and that it “doesn’t happen there”. Was specifically going off what they said. Again, glad I’m wrong.
Kyle is engaged to Sarah. They’re also expecting their first baby. Sarah is from Germany. She was telling me about this bedding set she wanted for the baby from back home and showed me a picture.
It was complete with bumpers and blankets. I admit I cringed and explained that this went against safe sleep practices and this would be dangerous for the baby. She waved me off and said “that never happens where I’m from”.
I said it likely does but no one understands why it happens. I asked if she knew what happened to Tommy and she said yes, but repeated it was cultural.
I told her that culture doesn’t matter here. She is putting. Her baby’s health and safety at risk for “aesthetic”. Sarah got mad and said it’s none of my business.
That night, I sent her statistics to back up what I said. Kyle called me and told me to stop “harassing” his fiancé and to let her do as she sees fit. I brought up Tommy and he said I was overreacting.
He’s also upset because my mom is on them about this. I didn’t tell her but when Sarah sent her the same link, my mom got very upset and begged her to not repeat her mistakes. I guess my mom got very emotional and started crying. Kyle has told us both to back off. Are we in the wrong?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
insomnicatx writes:
NTA but you would be if you don't back off. You've given them the info and such and they dont want it, at this point you need to drop it and leave them be in this regard.
Even if you do the best that you can for a baby, it can still die in it's sleep and that is something they will just have to learn no matter what they do.
summerbench writes:
YTA. If you tell them once let that be enough. Now you and mom are going in on it with a pregnant woman. You know how fog brained and hormonal she might be. We can’t control our siblings or family even if we wanted to.
By telling her about the safe practices and then harassing her with messages and blowing this up more than it had to be, you’re TA. Let them enjoy the pregnancy and let them raise their kid however they see fit.
proverbs6t writes:
NTA You gave her some good advice, but now that you know it is not wanted, you should stop. It is SAD that this good advice has to do with literal life and death matters, but if you do not back off, you may lose the relationship with your Kyle, Sarah and their baby.
Sarah is wrong but let us hope and pray that no one is ever in a position to say 'We told you so, don't you wish you had listened?' (Said as a former healthcare professional who has tried, in vain, to resuscitate a baby who suffocated due to poor sleep practices, SIDS death babies and a baby who was crushed while co-sleeping with mom.)