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Woman warns 2 yo child's teacher; 'Don't accuse me of bad parenting.' AITA?

Woman warns 2 yo child's teacher; 'Don't accuse me of bad parenting.' AITA?

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When this woman is annoyed with her child's teacher, she asks Reddit:

"AITA for telling my child’s teacher that I don’t like the tone she’s talking to me?"

My husband and I have a 2 year old who currently goes to nursery in the UK. Eczema runs in the family and he has a mild case. He’s been seen by the doctor and I’ve been told much. Since he was a baby he was little he’s just been susceptible to nappy rashes.

I don’t know if it’s the wipes because I always get the sensitive ones but he’s changed regularly so it’s not that. I put a cream on him after every every change and it will go away. This week I noticed he had what looked like blisters. Again I’ve been putting nappy cream on him regularly and it’s getting better.

He only goes 3 hours a day to nursery so they rarely change him unless he’s done a number two. If they did they’d know I out nappy cream on him every morning. The past few days dad has been getting him ready and he’s not the best at putting cream on. When he comes back from nursery obviously I put it on him.

His nursery teacher called my partner at work asking if we had put cream on him and my partner told them that we’d put cream on him this morning. They said ok and that hadn’t checked yet and told them that I (me) am the one who regularly puts it on.

When I went to pick him up she pulled me to the side and asked if I’d noticed he had blisters. I told her I had and have been putting cream on him but more recently dad was changing him in the mornings.

She in a accusatory Voice said that my partner had said that I did the cream this morning. When I messaged my partner later he told me that wasn’t true he had told her I put his cream on daily and not even mentioned this morning.

She then asked about his eye because he’s got a rash and I told her it was eczema. She asked me if I was sure and I told her I was but I was taking him to see a doctor today and to mention the nappy rash.

I don’t know why but the whole interaction left a bad taste in my mouth. Im very overprotective as a mum and frankly I’ve not always been the happiest with them but have let my Child stay because he really seems to love it there.

I felt like she was trying to catch me out in something. Ringing my partner and then asking me when I hadn’t even had a proper chance to ask him what had happened.

I told her I didn’t appreciate the accusatory way she was talking to me and was she questioning me or talking to me. I said don't talk to me about my parenting. She mumbled something about policies and walked off. I have anxiety that just completely triggered me.

I don’t know what they’re thinking or why she approached me in the tone she did but was I wrong to respond that way. Any teachers or childminders (people who work with children ) with advice? AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

hazegazey writes:

Sorry, but you are a bit of an AH. Your child shouldn't have nappy rash so severe that it's turning into blisters. As parents, you have the responsibility to teat this before it gets so severe. I'll give you credit because it sounds like you're trying to be good parents, but you're not quite there, I'm afraid.

Simply piling on the cream will not get rid of such severe nappy rash. These creams are designed to create a barrier between skin and wet nappies but they don't have any healing properties.

Nappy rash isn't caused by allergies or sensitive skin. It's caused by sitting in wet nappies. Change your baby as soon as they wet their nappy. Wash them with a cloth and warm water.

Baby wipes will burn every time you use them if skin is sore /breaking out. Until the rash is gone, give your baby lots of nappy free 'fresh air on skin' time. Let him crawl about in the buff. Bathe him daily in very gentle baby bath. Pat dry very gently.

Also, buy a potty. Let your toddler follow dad to the bathroom. Dad needs to sit down to pee so your son can copy him. If dad says 'potty' every time he 'goes', then you show your son his own potty, he'll slowly figure it out.

Let him sit there watching a cartoon around 15/20 mins after he has a drink. First time he accidentally pees in the potty, go mad with praise. Best cure fir nappy rash is no more nappies. Its alot less work once they're toilet trained too.

Stop excusing your husbands neglect. It's just not acceptable that he should forget essential elements of his own child's care, just because you're not there to monitor and prompt him. He's neglecting his child through choice. Don't enable that.

When a child is not receiving appropriate care, staff at nurseries and schools have a legal duty to raise thier concerns. They are giving you a chance to put things right before involving outside agencies.

Nobody's perfect and being a mum is damn hard. You've let a couple of things slip. Perfectly normal and understandable. I'm sure you're a good and loving mother. Just don't let your child's health problems escalate in future, and stop excusing his dad's neglect .

cheerilyterrified writes:

NAH. I'm sorry, it must really suck to feel like you are being accused of something. That can feel horrible, and really shake you.

But sadly there are a lot of abused and neglected kids and they can show signs similar to the one your son showed. And so when they see certain things they have to ask questions, because they more than likely required to report signs of abuse and neglect.

It doesn't sound like the worker handled it very well, and you could go back and say you understand why they have to ask but more training around how to do it might be helpful, but I would as much as possible try not to let it shake or upset you.

You are going to the doctor, you can ask him if he has any other recommendations, and if you need to let the nursery know and they'll know you are being proactive in caring for your son.

asleeptank writes:

YTA she sounded like she was very much doing her job. Your husband needs to get it together and do something as basic as putting cream on his own babies bottom. If you can remember so can he. Your baby clearly needs it if he’s so prone to breakouts and he’s getting sores.

The worker has probably seen the sores and the rash for several days in a row and wanted to ask after your child’s health because she cares. And maybe ensure it’s being treated, which is her job. As a child care worker they have to be on the lookout for neglect. Nat saying she thinks you’re neglectful but it is part of her job to ensure the safety of the kids in her class.

I’m pretty sure from this post that the previous issues have been you.

trashpanda writes:

NTA. Ihad the EXACT SAME SITUATION happen with my child in early school, only we got to the point where multiple specialists told us to continue doing what we were doing and that it would improve over time. It never did.

It wasn't until we finally got him in with an out of town doctor who immediately recognised that his eczema wounds were infected (he was angry that the other doctors didn't realise) and gave him a course of antibiotics. Continued on with our standard wet wrapping and appropriate creams and he came good very very quickly.

We did everything our doctors said and kept going back again and again without results. We trusted them, and his teacher still blamed us for the situation. We also blamed ourselves for trusting the medical specialists that we took him to. Of course.

Anyway. OP has made an appointment with the doctor. Not sure what else she's supposed to do, beg for forgiveness and tattoo "Bad Parent" on her forehead, if most of these responses are to be taken at face value.

But also they're right on one thing. Sort your hubby out, OP. Not doing it right when he KNOWS he should be doing it differently or better is just him being lazy, and your little one is physically suffering for it.

outrageousneglect writes:

Yta because you the worker did not come off as accusatory. You should’ve let the nursery know that he has blisters on him so they can be aware, those blisters have to be painful, he’s got to be fussier than normal because of the pain?.

It sounded like the worker didn’t know if you were aware or not and wanted to make sure you knew. They should know he has eczema too. For all they know they could’ve thought he had some sort of contagious rash or infection.

Also you said “my partner told them that we’d put cream on him this morning” but then later you said when you messaged your partner he said you put it on daily but didn’t mention this morning. So that doesn’t make sense. Workers have to ask questions because they’re mandatory reporters of abuse and neglect.

Looks like the jury's out. Any thoughts on this?

Sources: Reddit
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