Woman who is 100% infertile lashes out at sister going through IVF. AITA?
When this woman is annoyed with her sister, she asks Reddit:
"AITAH for telling my sister to ‘read the room’ for venting about her fertility issues?"
I know already from the title I sound like the AH, but here’s the backstory: I (28F) and my sister (37F) have always been close, however due to a disease I am completely infertile, as in 0% chance of ever having a biological child.
I’ve always wanted children and was absolutely gutted when I found out my husband and I wouldn’t have the opportunity to have children of our own. My older sister has a two year old daughter and I’ve always been nothing but very excited for her.
I found out I couldn’t have children the same month she found out she was pregnant, I didn’t bring it up and even though I was jealous I was absolutely ecstatic for her. I threw her baby shower, was there for the birth, helped her babysit when she and her husband were exhausted.
Around the time my niece was 6 months old I finally told her about my infertility. She said she was sorry I was dealing with that, but adoption is always an option. Now flash forward two and a half years later my sister is struggling with age related fertility complications.
She texts, calls, and spends all of our meet ups as a method to ‘commiserate’ about infertility. She hired one of the leading fertility specialists in the country and is devastated at the prospect of having to do ivf.
I do feel bad and I’m a receptive listener, however I find it a bit insensitive that she’s complaining to me constantly about fertility when she: A. Already has one biological child B. Has the medical option and financial ability to do ivf and C.
Told me “it’s not the same if I adopt because I need my children to be biological siblings.” I’m not proud of it but I snapped and told her to read the room and I wasn’t happy with listening to her constant complaining about it and she should either be grateful for the daughter she has, or use the advice she gave me and adopt a child.
Needless to say she was furious, went crying to our mother, and now my mother is non-stop calling saying I need to apologize because my sister “has it worse since she has a child and knows what she’s missing out on by struggling with fertility...
while I can’t mourn something I’ve never experienced so infertility really isnt as hard for me to deal with.” I hung up, haven’t apologized, and am now extricating myself from the situation because I think we both need time to calm down. So AITAH?
Let's see what readers thought.
availableboxer writes:
NTA - I really don't see any AH here except for your mom. Your sister was dealing with her problems and as you pointed out, did not read the room properly. You were letting your sister unload to a point but have your own feelings.
I don't really see where any apologies are need, just a mutual understanding. Mom is an AH. She should have played the middle and not downplayed your infertility compared to your sisters.
safedocument writes:
NTA, but your sister and mother are. Have them read the responses here. Also, your sister is a self-absorbed emotional vampire. YOU ARE NOT HER THERAPIST. Time to put a stop to her emotional dumping on you.
If you continue to allow it, you’ll get incredibly burned out. Your sister needs to vent to the appropriate people: a therapist, a support group, clergy. You should not be her emotional dumping ground.