Woman won't attend wedding bc bride won't accommodate daughter's disability. AITA?
When this woman is upset with her best friend, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for refusing to attend my best friend’s wedding because they didn’t accommodate for my daughter’s disability?"
I (32F) have a daughter, Lily (7F), who was born with a congenital condition that requires her to be in a wheelchair. Lily is a bright, bubbly girl who doesn’t let her disability dampen her spirit.
My best friend, Jane (31F), and I have been inseparable since high school. She’s known Lily since birth and has always been supportive, or so I thought.
A few months ago, Jane excitedly announced her wedding, set to take place in a historic but not-so-accessible venue. I was thrilled for her and assumed provisions would be made for Lily. I was even more elated when she asked me to be her maid of honor.
As the wedding day approached, Jane shared the itinerary. I noticed there was no mention of any accommodations for guests with disabilities.
When I approached Jane about it, she said that while she understood my concern, the venue couldn’t make the necessary accommodations due to its historical status. She suggested I could leave Lily with a babysitter for the day.
I was taken aback. I couldn’t fathom leaving Lily behind, especially since she was excited about the wedding. The thought of telling her she couldn’t attend because of her wheelchair broke my heart.
After a lot of reflection, I told Jane that I wouldn’t be able to attend or participate in her wedding if my daughter wasn’t accommodated for. Jane was upset, mentioning how she’d dreamed of having me by her side on her big day. She felt I was putting her in an unfair position so close to the wedding.
Our mutual friends are divided. Some feel Jane is being insensitive and should have considered Lily from the beginning. Others believe I’m overreacting and should respect Jane’s choice of venue without making the wedding about my daughter’s needs.
Now, with the wedding just a week away and our friendship strained, I’m second-guessing my decision. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
masremlalmp writes:
YTA honestly, it's not that she didn't try to make arrangements but if she's getting married in a historic (and thus legally protected) building then they cannot make adjustments to accommodate. When you asked Jane her response was that they are unable to make those accommodations, not that she didn't care to ask.
It's a shame but it's not as if Jane didn't want Lily to be there, it's just an unfortunate set of circumstances. I'm not sure on the status of 'listed' buildings in every country but here in the UK protection orders are put in place to prevent any work being done to buildings that are of significance or are very old structures, so if they genuinely can't accommodate it because of this then I've got no idea what you expect her to do.
realisticyou9997 writes:
ESH - some places can’t be changed. You should have checked earlier than a week out. You can’t expect your friend to change her venue for YOUR daughter.
She didn’t do it to hurt your daughter but she should have told you the venue couldn’t accommodate your daughter.
The only one I feel sorry for is your daughter and you owe her an apology for dropping the ball by not making sure she could go before telling her she could.
oddelederberry0 writes:
NAH. It’s your friends wedding. It’s her day, not yours. She’s going to have the one she wants, in the venue she wants, but she can’t very well change a venue’s ability to accommodate your daughter.
And while she should have maybe considered this ahead of time, she probably assumed accommodations could be made just like you assumed they would be made. Next time just make your concerts clear earlier and everyone avoids the uncomfortable situation of having you back out late in the wedding planning.