Woman asks if she's wrong to help daughter financially, but not stepdaughter.
In a post on Reddit a woman asked people to judge the way she manages her finances and her family. It sounds a bit harsh, but hear her out...
'I'm married to my husband of 4 years, and we have kids similar in age from our previous partners.'
My husband has a daughter Suzie [F21] and I have a daughter Lynn [F19].
This year, Lynn started her first year of university and is studying in another part of the country. She's gotten a loan to cover tuition and I've sent Lynn some money to help her with living expenses, and she's planning on doing seasonal work over the holidays to get extra money.
Suzie has started her second year of university in another part of the country as well. My husband has been sending her money regularly throughout her studies, and he pays her tuition.
Recently, my husband came to me and said that Suzie is struggling financially after having car problems and asked if I could pitch in and send her some money to help with expenses. We have a prenup and keep our finances separate except for splitting rent and bills.
I politely refused and asked if Suzie had asked her mother to send her money (just to make it clear, her mother is and always was involved in her life).
My husband got offended by my question and asked if I cared about helping out family members. He said that it's only fair I send Suzie money since I send Lynn money. I pointed out that he doesn't send Lynn money. He said that Lynn isn't struggling, and got really mad and accused me of playing favourites.
I thought this was really out of the blue and told my husband that both Suzie and Lynn have one parent that's financially helping them by sending them similar amounts of money so it's not like their levels of support are really all that different.
My husband wasn't having it. He called me selfish and said that I'm being a garbage stepparent.
Here's what Redditers had to say:
NTA, but you really need to find out where his money has gone. He never should have asked the question in the first place based on what you've described, and his reaction was way over the top. It's very common for people who know they're wrong to go on the offensive like this.
WTF -- YOUR DD is taking out loans for tuition, and HE is paying his kids tuition???? He is a moocher.
NTA but something tells me he doesn't have the money to help her...if he has had it in the past why not now. bio mom can pay? Welcome to adult hood...figure it out
A car is a luxury in college. Tell her to sell it; problem solved. Also, what everyone else has said.
NTA.