Woman wants to block husband's ex-wife from mommy group chat, gets called 'vindictive.'
"AITA for not letting husband’s ex into a moms class groupchat?"
throwaway1118818
Husband and I met in college. Before that he dated “Millie” from ages 14-17. When I first met his family, they all seemed to be in awe of me and it was quite awkward so he explained that his family (and most people in his life prior to college) believed him and Millie would be together forever.
I was uncomfortable but he assured me that he “loves me and only me.” We had a few fights over things his friends said but ultimately it was clear that we were being dumb. I didn’t have any problems related to Millie for several years. Everyone seemed to have moved on.
Husband and I now have 3 kids. My middle son (6) is in the same grade as Millie’s son. They are in different classes and I only found out about this after my MIL passively mentioned it.
The moms in my son’s class created a groupchat. A couple days ago Millie contacted me and asked if I could add her into this groupchat and said that she and her son are having trouble connecting with the other moms/kids and it would be a huge help.
I was a bit confused as to why she was asking me for permission, and how she got my number but I quickly realized that the other moms probably told her and out of consideration for me wanted her to ask me?
I’m not sure. Most of these women grew up with Millie so they know “everything.” I told her that I can’t really stop anyone if they wanted to add her but I’d rather she not join. Besides, it’s a class groupchat and her son isn’t in it.
She got upset and asked if I’m only saying no because of her history with my husband. I said well yeah. She then said I’m being sensitive and petty. I told her that I’m uncomfortable. She said not everything is about me and I’m being selfish.
I made a sarcastic comment about protecting my peace before firmly telling her she won’t change my mind and that neither she or her son are my responsibility. Millie got even angrier and said that I’m the only person still hung up over their relationship and that I need to grow up and stop being so insecure. She also accused me of being elitist?
She’s still at it and will tell anyone that’ll listen about how I’m being selfish and how I’m so hung up over the past. My husband thinks we’re all being ridiculous. He was joking when he said that but idk.
One of the moms in the groupchat privately asked me about the whole thing and she just said “hmm” so I really don’t know, but they said they weren’t going to add her unless I “gave my permission.” AITA?
Edit:
I understand that I’m the AH. I do feel a little crazy but I can’t deny that I’m not uncomfortable no matter all the “you do realize he married you” comments. I’ll still let the other moms know that they can add her and not to let me stop them as I’m being a little silly.
You can tell me that I did wrong without making assumptions and wishing things on me and my kids. Regardless, I appreciate the advice and plan on learning from this.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
soxfan581
YTA. So to be clear you're not going to add another married woman with a son who needs help, who reached out to you to be respectful, to a group chat because she dated your husband in high school? What are you still in high school? This isn't elitism this is pettiness at its finest.
Odd-Writer2153
YTA. How old are you? You're threatened by a teenage relationship your husband had when he was a child? That's crazy. You are embarrassing yourself.
naisfurious
Can anyone add someone else to the class group chat? This is a group chat for the parents of the kids in the class right? Adding other people could be distracting. Who exactly will be let in this group chat if not just the kids in the classroom?
I understand Millie is having difficulties connecting with her child's class, but she should take that up with that teacher and not mix things up with your child's class. I'm all with you up until this response here:
"She got upset and asked if I’m only saying no because of her history with my husband. I said well yeah."
This is where I think YTA. I would say NTA if you're just following rules or keeping the chat to classmates only for various reasons. But, you specifically tell us the reasoning for your choices. YTA.
BulbasaurRanch
You’re telling me that your husband had a relationship with this girl when they were teenagers and you’re still upset about? What the actual what. This wild insecurity of yours is unwarranted. She is right, you are being petty and sensitive. She’s done nothing to you.
What exactly are you “uncomfortable” about? This doesn’t make any sense. She’s done nothing to you. You’re gatekeeping this woman from a mom group because she dated your husband 15+ years ago as teenagers. My god. YTA.
IrrelevantManatee
Soft YTA. Not for not accepting her in the group chat, but for making a huge deal of her presence. It's kinda baffling that you would give so much importance to your husband's ex.
I would understand if the breakup was new but damn.. you are MARRIED to this man and have children with him. He has moved on a long time ago, but you never did. Why does this woman still makes you uncomfortable?!