'AITA for not letting my kids see their dad's family when it's my court ordered Thanksgiving?'
"AITA for not letting my kids see their dad's family when it's my court ordered Thanksgiving?"
My ex and I alternate every Thanksgiving. This year it is my holiday. My boyfriend and I had planned to have Thanksgiving with his family and friends this year and they are coming to our house. I would like my sons (14 and 7) to spend the holiday with them and their little sister.
However my ex's sister and brother have kids (their cousins) that they are close to. The kids are bugging me to let them go over to their house after they spend some time with me so they can go to their thanksgiving because 'my boyfriend's family is boring and weird'??
Which I find incredibly disrespectful. My boyfriend has been in their lives for 2 years now and we just moved in with him this year. My teen in particular has been refusing to bond with my boyfriend, told me he 'looks like Jeffrey Dahmer' and 'his family is weirdos.'
My 7 year old told me that my boyfriend's friends are also weird and ask him weird questions like 'why does he have both a tablet and a nintendo switch'. My 7 year old is fine with my boyfriend though and my bf is involved with the kids and watches them and takes them to school for me when I work.
I am mostly upset with my teen as he is being unfair to my bf who has been trying hard to talk to him. Meanwhile they love my ex's girlfriend so it's obviously not an issue of not liking significant others of their parents.
Anyway Thanksgiving is a time for family in my mind, and they spent last year's Thanksgiving with their dad's family and cousins. I told them no, they cannot go and they are to spend the entire day with me and my boyfriend. Now my older son is throwing a fit and saying he is just going to go to his room and not come out. My younger son is fine. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
YTA- 1) you are setting a precedent. someday you may have a very good reason to want the kids when it isn't your turn. forget it. Secondly, prioritizing your bf family versus their actual cousins. And if nobody else tells you, I will- trying to force your teen to have a relationship with your bf will not work. the more you push, the more they will withdraw from it.
The most you can demand is civility and respect- to the degree that it is also given to them. Punishing him or calling him disrespectful for telling you how he feels about BF family is also a no-no. He feels how he feels.
So, now all you've done is tell him not to be honest with you. So, you will be greatly surprised when the whole thing blows up in your face and you had no clue.
So much this! He's a teen, it's a lot harder to bond with a parents new partner at that age, you can't force it without alienating the child entirely. They will see it as you choosing the new partner over them every time. It may not be true, but that will be the perception. Also, sharing a holiday is a positive for the kids, and your co-parenting relationship.
nerdypenguinvibes76 writes:
I guess I’m odd out, but I’m going with NTA. Your son is being a turd, which isn’t uncommon for teens. My daughters, similar age, prefer to go to one grandparent’s house regularly but fight on the others.
Too bad for them, they can deal with it for a few hours once a year. It’s kind of hard to get to know them if they are not there
nyjalax disagrees:
YTA. You are the type of woman that I really dislike. Let your kids go. I don't see why they cannot spend half the day with both families. Their feelings & thoughts matter more than yours. Stop making it all about YOU.
YTA, 14 is old enough to decide where he wants to spend thanksgiving. But I do want more INFO. Why does he hate your partner so much? Can you think of any plausible explanations other than his electronics?