Woman wants to host 'shoes off' Christmas party; her sister calls her 'weird.' AITA?
"WIBTA if I told everyone coming to my X-mas party to remove their shoes?"
My partner and I bought a house. I do all the cleaning, I prefer to, bc well, he is a man. No offense to the males but his idea of clean is far from my idea of what's clean.
We are hosting a X-mas party for my family. My first time ever being able to, and I am very excited! But I have one condition. I went out and bought Xmas slippers in all different styles and sizes.
My partner asked why we had a huge basket of slippers by the door and i told him. I plan on telling everyone that they have to remove their shoes before entering the house, but I have slippers for everyone and they are welcome to bring them home after the party.
My partner is saying I am being an Ahole, shame on me bc I shouldn't expect people to feel comfortable taking their shoes off. I asked my sister what she thought, and she said I am being weird.
That some people choose shoes to go with their outfit, or just don't want to take them off. That I should just get over it and let them wear what they want.
I don't allow shoes in the house normally. I have 2 cats that will eat whatever is on the floor. From dirt, to fur, to leaves that blow in. And I also, just hate the thought of shit being ground into my floors. I am giving out slippers, am I really an ahole for expecting the rules of our home be followed?
The me cleaning bc I do it better, is an ongoing joke/silly argument I have with my partner. I am truly sorry if I offended anyone with this comment (that men don't clean). I won't delete it, but I should have just pointed out that I alone am the one who always cleans.
Until he moved in with me, he never had to clean a day in his life. He does help, but I always end up redoing whatever he did. I did not mean to say a man is incapable of cleaning, I just meant MY MAN is. AITA?
Let's find out.
ilanmichelle writes:
NAH. I personally dislike shoes inside my own apartment. Especially as I live in a very rainy place so tracking things in is just....impossible to control. That said...you should compromise and also offer shoe covers.
There are good reasons why someone might not want to remove their shoes. Either for health reasons or just plain embarrassment, especially if you're not somewhere like Japan where that's just commonplace and expected.
foreverlullaby writes:
NTA for what you're actually asking. Y T A for the whole 'men can't clean' shtick. Unless some level of disability is at play, every single man in the world is capable of cleaning. Your man IS capable of cleaning.
Stop going behind him and fixing what he does. Stop excusing his laziness. Lower your standards of cleanliness for a couple weeks while he starts picking up his slack.
He won't be perfect at it, especially at first he will be purposefully bad at it. That's where the temporarily lowered standards come in. It is not your job to smooth things he should have done the first time.
whatevercms2mnd writes:
YTA: some other things you may not have considered. 1) some people have really gross smelly feet and will be embarrassed to take their shoes off 2) some people have holes in socks because they are struggling financially (also embarrassing) .
3) some people are obese or elderly and struggle to sit/bend over/put on/take off shoes (and would be embarrassed to huff and struggle in front of others)
4) some people have medical conditions/issues with feet they don’t want people to see (diabetes/missing toes/gnarled fungus/cracked heels/ missing and infected toenails)
5) your cat eats everything (Sooo wouldn’t the cat just be gnawing away on everyone’s shoes in the hallway?)
6) if taking off shoes isn’t a cultural norm where you are (and it sounds like it isn’t) it’s rude to just put that on people without warning
7) the fact that both your partner and sister have said it’s a bad idea and you’re not dropping it is also telling (presumably they have a good idea of how the guests will react)
8) you’re so excited about hosting!
And that’s wonderful, but hosting is not about showing off your new house or cooking skills, it’s about hospitality and graciousness and making your guests comfortable. —you’re just concerned about optics and your own image/comfort here. Take some time to read up on the art of hospitality.