When this man is feeling guilty about his behavior, he asks Reddit:
My wife and I are currently staying with my parents because we just couldn't afford the cost of living in this area. We are both currently looking for better jobs and/or something cheaper, but it is what it is right now.
My mom and wife share a birthday and there aren't words for how much my mom hates this. There was lots of whining in the beginning, jokes about can't I just get a new girlfriend, and as of right now she does her best to avoid my wife the entire week of the shared birthday.
Outside of that she is a decent MIL, mostly pleasant to her but their relationship is surface level, and they could both do without the other.
My mom is currently at home recovering from surgery from a torn ACL so she isn't doing much this year, though my dad got her cakes, food, and easily thousands of dollars worth of presents. My wife has been feeling pretty down due to our living situation and some external factors and I wanted to cheer her up. I asked my dad if we could have some people over.
He said yes, but to be fair I didn't specify it was for a birthday party, I'm not sure he even remembered it was my wife's birthday as he is totally disinterested in her, and he was in the middle of doing stuff for my mom who was acting very princessy about her surgery.
I invited our closest friends and set up a nice little party for my wife. At some point my mom did come down and realize what was going on. I saw her look to the decorations and cake and she looked pissed.
My dad quickly ushered her away and promised they would go out when she was better, but she said it wouldn't count. My dad came back out and muttered to me that I'm an a^#hole for doing this and called me insensitive and a mooch.
He came out an hour later and shut the party down as he claimed we were being too loud. I don't think we were, but it was getting late so I didn't mind too much.
My wife loved it and had a great birthday. I fully intended on cleaning up myself but was too tired to do it that night. My mom came down in the morning and saw the things still up and got pissy again.
I was in the process of cleaning them and told her not to worry I would take care of it. She just glared at me and stormed off. My dad came back down and berated me for throwing it in my mom's face that my wife got a birthday party and she didn't, and told me he can't stand me and can't wait for us to leave.
I told him they are both being crazy and my mom doesn't own the date. He shot back that I tricked him as he didn't realize it was a birthday party, to which I laughed and said maybe he should know his own DIL a bit better.
He complained to some family and now my aunt and her husband are calling me an a*^hole as well. ETA to be clear about the mess. My mom only cared because she saw birthday stuff. She has never in her life cared about a mess.
She once threw a handful of glitter in her own living room. I only brought it up to let her know I wasn’t planning on leaving it for the housekeeper as I thought that would be disrespectful. AITA?
YTA. You live with your parents (rent free? Or paying rent & expenses?) - I’m guessing rent free since your own father called you a mooch. You had a party that you knew your parents wouldn’t like so you misled them about what kind of party it was.
Then you couldn’t even be bothered to clean up before you went to bed so your parents woke up to party debris.
You called your mother “princessy” because you don’t like the way her husband is taking care of her after her surgery. I can see why they can’t wait for you to move out.
By the way, it sounds like you & your wife did nothing to celebrate your mom in her birthday. After all, what are she & your dad doing for you except giving you a place to live when you can’t afford one on your own.
NTA. Did your mother wish your wife a happy birthday? If she cares about you she and your dad should care about your partner ( and vice versa - did your wife? )
Your mother got thousands in presents. She doesn’t care that you are just celebrating your spouse. That’s what good parents want - their child to celebrate their partner, because that reflects a good loving relationship. Next year take your wife out for the whole day or a weekend away. NTA.
YTA. There is a major difference between, 'Can I have a few people over?' versus 'Can I spend a bunch of money I don't have to throw a birthday party in your house while mom is upstairs on her birthday feeling lousy after surgery?' Way to take advantage of your parents.