'AITA for not showing my ex proof he wasn't my child's father until after he gave me his house?'
"AITA For Not Showing My Ex Proof That He Wasn't My Child's Father Until After He Gave Me His House?"
Here's the original post:
Okay. I know the title makes me look bad but read the story for context first.
I (27f) used to be in a long term relationship with Tom (34m). We dated for two years before I moved into his house and agreed that I would pay for utilities while he covered the mortgage and taxes.
After being together for four years I discovered that he was cheating on me when I walked in on him and the other woman after coming home from an out of town trip early. I was understandably angry, yelled at the both of them and tearfully packed up some things and stayed at a friend's house for a week. When I came back the locks were changed and Tom had blocked me on everything.
It took a court order to get me back in and by then he'd already sold or thrown away a lot of my things to appease his new girlfriend and he knew that I didn't have enough money to fight him in court for all of it. I was really in a low place and to make myself feel better I ended up having a one-night stand with a friend "Clark" (28m) and ended up pregnant.
I was already officially out of Tom's house when I found out and we were in zero-contact, so I decided to test Clark first and he was the father. Since Clark was the father and I didn't see the point in telling Tom that I was pregnant and just started planning my life accordingly.
Clark also inherited a nice house and insisted I live there to make things easier on my finances as well as give us both equal access to our child. While I was out baby shopping I ran into Tom's sister. She was completely surprised at how visibly pregnant I was. I made a quick excuse to leave with a vague and fake promise that I'd be in contact later.
It was really just an awkward way to get out of an uncomfortable situation politely. A few days later my phone was blowing up calls and texts from Tom asking me about the baby. I ignored him but then he showed up at my parents home demanding to speak to me.
Tom was convinced that I was pregnant with his kid and was going to blindside him with a court order for child support after the baby was born out of spite. It would also align with his planned promotion and he didn't want to be perceived as a deadbeat parent (the company he works at is big on morality).
I told Tom to leave me and my family alone but he wanted me to sign a NDA about anything that would happen between us in family court to protect his reputation. I told him that he wasn't the father but he thought that I was lying now to blindside him later and offered me his house (he was going to get a new one) to pay for my silence.
I agreed and when he was fully moved out I mailed him the test results when Clark was tested. Tom now thinks I was being a manipulative witch but it wasn't my fault he didn't believe me when I initially said he wasn't the father so AITA?
Edit: Since there seems to be some confusion even though I already wrote it I'll say it again I TOLD Tom he wasn't the father after he started harassing my family, but he chose not to believe me.
Edit 2: Yes, my parents knew Clark was the father and even told Tom too. Tom just didn't believe us.
Edit 3: 1. Yes, I officially own the house. He signed the title over to me the same day I signed the NDA.
2. The NDA is in regards to me identifying him and talking about him on social media, calling his job, etc.. Since I don't give his actual name and this is a throwaway account I felt comfortable coming here.
3. The house is a small 3-bed house that is now fully paid off.
4. Tom technically did ask for a DNA test but I told him he'd have to wait until after the baby was born and pay for it himself if he wanted one so badly.
5. Tom and I kept our finances separate so I don't know nor care how he's going to manage after all this.
What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say:
[deleted] said:
That took a turn I wasn't expecting. And after reading all of that, NTA.
Venetrix2 said:
NTA, I think. Was this entirely ethical? Probably not. Did he have it coming? Kinda, yeah. You told him the truth, and he chose not to believe you and throw a house your way to shut him up. You could have just showed him the test results I guess, but he did kinda owe you after throwing out all your stuff, so screw it.
QuackLikeMe said:
NTA. I was fully expecting to call you the AH based on the title, but if he willingly offered the house after you already told him the kid isn’t his, then by all means take it.
Revolutionary_Ad1846 said:
I’m not sure who the a-hole is but I love that two men have given you a house. ❤️
joebusch79 said:
I’m torn on this one. Yes, it was manipulative, it he made the offer, not you. And you did try telling him once that he wasn’t the father. On the other hand, you could have just shown him the papers and been done with it. I’m going with NTA but barely. He cheated and karma hit him hard
FoldNtheCheese said:
NTA & for everyone saying that she is TA, she told him repeatedly he wasn’t the father but he didn’t listen. He was so hyper focused on his reputation being ruined that he didn’t even have the sense to ask for his own paternity test but instead went straight to offering her a home as payment. Good for you OP.
Karma is a b!tch for Tom but serves him right for cheating, throwing away your things, & then not having the sense to even ask for a paternity test of his own before offering up an entire house as hush money.
Verdict: NTA. Do you agree?