Guy says wife isn't pulling weight on maternity leave; 'All she does is watch the baby'
Marriage is a partnership. A lot like having a roommate, actually. But unfortunately for the marrieds, a chore wheel always kills the romance. Over on Reddit, a man worried he's doing too much around the house asks the internet:
'Would I be the a**hole to think my wife needs to do more around the house than just taking care of the baby?'
This is a throwaway account and info will be broad. We are mid 30's. Prior to our baby, we used to split the chores around the house. We both vacuumed and cleaned the bathrooms, if one cooked then the other one does the dishes.
We also have dogs and we would both walk them in the morning and at night. After my wife became pregnant, I was doing a lot more of the chores around the house which I was fine with since she couldn't do as much anymore due to lack of mobility and chemicals from the cleaners for the bathrooms.
We still walked the dogs to get my wife some exercise during the pregnancy. I am work from home 4 days of 5 days, 8-9 hour days with one day being in the office. My work isn't super stressful, but I have deadlines.
After the birth, my MIL and mom switched off staying with us for the first month to help us around the house. This allowed my wife and I to focus on our baby and allowed me to help my wife with whatever she needed; whether it was to help feed the baby, change its diaper, or clothing the baby.
However, after the month of help, both our parents went back home and everything was now on us to cook, clean, laundry, dogs, and taking care of the baby. My wife has been on maternity leave since the birth of our baby and I haven't taken my leave yet and don't plan to until my wife goes back to work.
So after the birth of our baby, I still work my normal hours. However, I still try to help out whenever she asks me to help with the baby when I can step away then I will. So she's not doing all the baby stuff by herself. This is where I'm wondering if ITA...
My wife on maternity leave is pretty much a 'stay at home mom' since all she's doing is just taking care of the baby; however, that's almost all she does.
I've joked around with her saying that she's currently a 'stay at home mom,' but she's not pulling her weight around the house other than taking care of the baby and I still help her with the baby too.
During the mornings, if it's a sunny day then my wife will walk with the baby in the stroller while I'm the one walking the dogs; however, if it's a rainy day then it all falls solely on me to do it all.
I'm also the one who takes the dogs for a walk in the evening. I cook dinner and I'd say 9.5 out of 10 times I'm also the one either doing the dishes or putting them into our dishwasher. I always make the bottles every night. Baby is on formula.
A normal day for my wife is feeding the baby every 3 hours at 7am and put to bed at 8pm. Weekends, I do 50% baby duties while still doing the cooking, dishes, and taking the dogs out in the evenings.
I've told my wife that I'd switch with her at night where I feed the baby and she takes the dogs out but she brushes it off without an answer. I'm starting to feel burned out helping with the baby and the chores. So WIBTA for thinking that my wife should be doing more than just taking care of the baby?
Here's how the people reacted:
Plus_Pause4090 writes:
Hrmmm...Update us when your Wife has gone back to work, and your at home 'just taking care of the baby' and let's see if you still think it's a cruisy job. I have a 'hunch' it's much more mentally draining job than you think!
wildferalfun writes:
YTA. She is on maternity leave to recover from giving birth and the toll pregnancy took on her body as much as she is rearing and bonding with a child. You need to reorient your mind that she is not a SAHM, but recuperating from a medical event that was brought on by 40-ish weeks of debilitating body changing challenges.
Its nice you had help in the immediate aftermath but truly, she's still full of hormones and not back to her pre-pregnancy self. Her uterus hasn't gone back to normal size or anything.
dontbeshy007 OP responded:
Yes. She's from Uruguay and I'm from the US.
No-Can-7335 writes:
YTA. relationships aren’t meant to be 50/50 all the time, and this sounds like a very new baby. recovering from childbirth is a lot! you have to pull some extra weight for awhile… and also, a stay at home mom is a job and it isn’t “just” taking care of a baby
MrJeanPoutine writes:
Did you think your life was going to get easier and you were able to do less with a new baby?!
Do you want a gold star for stepping up more?!
Do you want us to believe your 3 month old is absolutely quiet and doesn't require feeding, changing and/or attention between 8 PM and 7 AM? YTA
stepintothefairyring writes:
'My wife on maternity leave is pretty much a 'stay at home mom''
Your wife, while on maternity leave, is recovering from a major medical procedure actually.
Lizm3 writes:
You are not 'helping'. You are doing your share. YTA