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Kids wont take care of dad in old age, so he spends their inheritance. AITA?

Kids wont take care of dad in old age, so he spends their inheritance. AITA?


The following poster does not want financial advice — only your abject, merciless moral judgement. Keep that in mind as you get to the end.

Would I be the a**hole if I spend my children's inheritance?

Not looking for financial advice. Only moral judgement. Also English is not my first language.

I have 3 children: Jason (25M), Monica (30F) and Veronica (32f). I've always had a good relationship with my children. A bit distant after my wife's dead, but in general we have a nice relationship.

I received a hefty inheritance from my parents, who unfortunately passed away a few years ago. This inheritance is not only a product of my parents work but money that has been in my family for decades, so it is expected of me to try and save as much of the inheritance for my children and so on.

It's important to mention that in my culture, children are supposed to take care of their parents in their old age. Both my mom and dad suffered from diseases that required 24/7 care by the end of their life. This diseases run in the family so most likely I will suffer from one of them too.

A few months ago I made an off hand comment about going to the doctor for my annual revisition, since my health has been not so great. I said ''Has anyone talked about who I will live with with when I'm old and wrinkly?'' It was a joking comment, I'm actually not planning to live with any of my children yet.

I guess this comment didn't sit right with any of my children because they told me about 2 months ago that they have decided that they will not be taking care of me when I'm old. They told me that they have to first look out for their family, the cost of living is rising, etcetera. It was very hurtful to hear them say that.

Since then, I've made the decision to start to plan for my old age. I moved a lot of the funds of the inheritance to my savings account, and plan to go on trips that I've always wanted to go to while I'm still a bit young and healthy. I plan to pay for this with the inheritance.

I mentioned I'm going to Mexico in a few weeks to Monica, who asked me how I'm going to pay for the trip. I then told her I'm planning to use the inheritance from now on to pay for trips, accommodations, food, etc. She then called me 'selfish' and accused me of trying to punish them for not following tradition.

After that, Monica called her siblings, which in turn called me to tell me that if I start to use de inheritance to live a lavish life then I'm robbing them of the money that their grandparents promised them. They are all very mad at me and refuse to talk to me to get to an agreement.

If you're reading, children, the commenters have bad news for you.

From Ok_City_7177:

Nta - the kids can't cherry pick their way through the bits of your culture that work for them although I am sure they see it as redefining their heritage or some such bobbins.

Spend and enjoy (make sure you save for the care you will need later )

From Environmental_Art591:

Agreed, I was all set to say Y T A when he started going on about the tradition of the kids taking care of their parents (thinking that who ever gets him should get the inheritance to help with those finances).

But then he said that none of them are willing to do that, so my mind changed to NTA, but maybe leave them a little. Then they all got pissed he was planning one trip. Oh hell, no OP, go wild, live your life, and enjoy it. Your kids are acting like golddiggers, and golddiggers dont deserve inheritance, IMO.

From beansareso_:

NTA. If the money was promised to their grandparents then the grandparents would have GIVEN it to them. It is your money to do as you choose. You’re not spending out of spite, you’re spending to enjoy your life and eventually be able to take care of yourself.

From Garamon7:

NTA. They don't follow tradition so why should you follow tradition? They think you shouldn't use this money because they want to use this money...

This inheritance could grow because older generation had help from their children, so they didn't have to spend as much money. When this system stops working it goes both ways: no help means you have to use inheritance.

If you think that you'll need care when you're older, look for some options to secure your money. Trust fund maybe? I mean if there is a possibility you will need a guardian with power of attorney. If you won't do it this role automatically go to your children.

From lycamm:

It is YOUR inheritance. They will get whatever you leave for them. Inheritance only exists upon passing. Live and fund your old years as you wish. Your children can fend for themselves.

From vibesandbribes:

Definitely leaning towards NTA. The only contributing factor I can think of is if you didn’t really contribute anything to it and have been coasting off money left behind to you.

Even then though, I’m inclined to say that people shouldn’t factor in inheritance into their financial plans as it’s a bonus that not everyone has the luxury of. Relying on a pay off when your parents die seems a little distasteful particularly if you haven’t worked as hard as you could’ve in expectation of receiving it.

And a follow up from OP:

I contributed money. I only used the inheritance to pay for my children's education and my parents' health care, as it was intended to be used.

Enjoy that money, OP.

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