Woman snaps after family sends fake message from her to estranged father. AITA?

Forgiveness cannot and should not be forced. In order to feel the healing and catharsis that comes with forgiveness, you have to be in a place where the act of forgiving feels safe and true. You're the only one who can define that for yourself, no matter what other people say.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for not wanting to talk to her dad even after he's done therapy.

She wrote:

AITA for not wanting to talk to my dad even though he got mental help and then making him cry for telling the truth on his birthday?

My dad used to be abusive. It got so bad that my mom and he lost custody of us. After that, my grandparents adopted all 5 of us and my mom left my dad (after getting an ultimatum from my grandparents) and life kind of just went on.

Fast forward to today (13 years later), I am 25 and am disappointed to say that my grandparents died and my mom went back to my dad. All of my siblings also reconnected with him, and say he changed completely, although most are not close to him. From what I heard, after losing his family he finally got mental help and was diagnosed with severe PTSD (he is an army vet) and bipolar disorder.

He spent the better part of a decade getting professional help and looks like it worked. Now, my brother and mom are guilt-tripping me into talking to him. They constantly tell me how he was mentally unwell and to give him a second chance since he misses me and wants to make things right, but I really don't want to. I am glad everyone's happy, but I just don't want to put myself through all that.

I have lived 13 years without him and don't want to have any contact with him ever again. I live on my own so they can't do anything about it really. They are basically saying that he wants to be absolved of his past and by not wanting to talk to him and living in the past, I am making an old man's life miserable since his sins are following him. They keep saying he just wants to hear my voice.

I still ain't budging cause I feel like he gave away that right a long time ago. Recently, it was my dad's 70th birthday and they invited me. I said no, but apparently, they made up some convoluted story that I was on a vacation abroad and sent a photo of me and my boyfriend with a text saying 'Happy 70th birthday Dad! Love Acron 98“ to my dad.

Apparently, he loved it and started brainstorming ideas where to meet with me to talk after I get back from my trip. My sister was present and texted me what had happened. I got so mad that I called my brother, told him to put me on speaker, and told everyone at the birthday that I didn't send that message and don't want to have anything to do with my father and then hung up.

I got missed calls from my brother and later text calling me heartless and asking me if I am proud of myself for making a 70-year-old man cry on his birthday. He also called me vindictive and childish for living in the past. I said what my wishes were and that they didn't respect them. They made him cry, not me.

Now all my extended relatives think I am a huge b*!$h (even thou the rest of my siblings support me) so I don't know what to make out of all of this. I just want my wishes to be respected and I don't think him getting therapy really can wipe away abusing his family for over two decades.

People jumped on the thread to share all of their thoughts.

wartwyndhaven wrote:

NTA. This is on them. This is THEIR f$#k up, not yours.

friendlypeopleperson wrote:

Hey, you had to live through his PTSD, now they can live with yours.

Strayato wrote:

NTA. He might've changed but no matter what it's up to you whether you want to see him or not and it's not fair for people to force you.

21stCenturyJanes wrote:

NTA your father's abuse happened to you. No one else gets to tell you how to deal with it or when/if you should forgive. You need to find a way to let these people know that the subject is closed.

RichPerformance2369 wrote:

NTA. I'm glad your father is better now, and he found the help he needs, BUT that don't fix the pain and the damage he caused you. You have no obligation to forgive him. They lied to him and make a situation worse.

If they don't wanna make things worse they can keep away from your business. Think about if you wanna the rest of your family be in contact with you and keep pushing you.

OP is most definitely NTA for setting much-needed boundaries for her own well-being. But the family members triangulating need to slow their roll and take a long hard look in the mirror.