Woman doesn't invite friend's husband to her birthday party, friends gets upset.

Few things can hurt people's feelings faster than not being invited to a party, even if they wouldn't be able to make it in the first place.

However, when you're the person hosting there's a limit on how many people you can have in your space, which can create tension around the invite list.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for not inviting her friend's husband to her birthday party.

She wrote:

AITA for not inviting my friend's husband to my birthday party?

Okay so, I turn 21 tomorrow and I’m having a party on Saturday to celebrate. I invited a good amount of people, but my mom needed a list of approximately how many people are coming for how much food she’s gonna cook and how many drinks my dad needs to get. Plus, my house is not big at all. So, I invited 5 of my aunts and 7 of my friends.

However, I texted 1 of the 7 friends saying “Hey! I’m having my 21st birthday party on Saturday and I’d really enjoy it if you came!” So she texts me back “Okay, we’ll be there!”

I’m just thinking…who’s “we?”

I then asked her what she meant by that and if she was referring to her and her husband, she says yes. I had to break it to her that there’s only a certain amount of people allowed to come over because I already have a list planned out. Plus, there’s not gonna be any guys at the party except my dad, and I’m sure my friend's husband would feel out of place.

I have absolutely nothing against the guy, he’s chill and has always been nice to me…but like I said, there’s only so many people that can come. I asked my friend to please not be mad. My friend texted me back, giving me a bit of an attitude. She said “I’m not mad, I’m just upset. Because when you gave me the invitation, I automatically assumed you meant me and [husband] could come.”

So I had to break it down to her and say “Dude, I’m not trying to be a jerk, but if I wanted to invite you and your husband, I would’ve said that I wanted ‘you AND him’ or ‘both of y’all’ in the invite. But I said ‘you’. It’s not that I have anything against him, it’s just that I invited you ONLY and that’s it.”

I sent her that text, and she hasn’t answered. AITA in this situation? I mean, not to be that person, but my God, it’s my party, my list and everything. What the heck do I do?! Thanks to everyone’s answers in advance.

People jumped on with their pressing thoughts.

Kjask wrote:

NAH but as you get older you'll realize that couples(esp married/long term) are usually a package deal and assume to be invited together.

ThrowRA_boozebag31 wrote:

NAH.

But if I got a few days notice about a party and found out my wife wasn't invited, I probably wouldn't go. I'd rather hang out with my wife than not.

SCVerde wrote:

I feel like a lot of comments are glossing over the fact that OP is literally just turning 21. Unless she's from a culture where people regularly get married at 18-19, then this situation has probably never come up before. The fact that married couples are often 'units' when sending invites is not etiquette she was likely aware of.

I feel this situation is either NAH or ESH because of the lack of clear communication. Sounds like OP has learned from this and will know for future events, hopefully her friend will accept the apology and be understanding of the mistake, especially if they're the only married couple in the friend group.

Side note, everyone saying they'd never go to a party their spouse wasn't invited to is a little cringey. It's okay to do things without your partner every once in a while, in fact, it is healthy.

No_Variety_6847 wrote:

YTA. Mostly because of the second text you sent. At the end it’s your party and you invite who you want. But for future reference it’s best to assume if someone’s married, their spouse is coming too. If you invited me and not my spouse, I wouldn’t come. Not everyone feels that way. But it’s better to be safe.

Many-Inspection-1025 wrote:

NTA all these people saying married couples are a package deal are a bit much. I think this might be an American cultural thing? Just because someone is married doesn’t mean their spouse is automatically invited to everything. I’ve never experience this before and tbh I find it a bit weird. Married people are not one conjoined person.

LiamsBiggestFan wrote:

I wouldn’t say you're an ahole it’s just you don’t understand marriage or couples who live together. That’s perfectly ok. In a situation like an all girls night or all male night. It’s better to say that’s what it is. These things are important to be honest. I don’t think she’s the ahole either to be honest. I am just wondering if there’s an age gap between you and your friend.

You did ask so I’m just going to say she sounds more mature than yourself. Would it really be so bad if her husband was there maybe a bit of male company for dad if everyone else is female.

Dads don’t usually get involved in these things but he’s paying and mum is doing the catering. Don’t lose your friendship why not just explain to your parents you didn’t realize the whole couple thing I think they might understand being a couple themselves lol

After receiving lots of conflicting feedback, OP jumped on with an update.

EDIT: Hey y’all, so I’ve gotten a good 50% of people saying I’m NTA, and another good 50% of people saying I am TA. Either way, the people on the second 50% made some good points and I tried to follow the advice they gave. So, I texted my friend, saying: “Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t make myself clear enough.'

'And I’m really sorry if I came off as rude/disrespectful. I’ve come to realize that now these days that when a couple is married, “you” is plural for both people, which I didn’t know at first. You no longer have to come if you don’t want to, but regardless I just wanted to own up and apologize. Have a good night.” I hope this helps settle everything. Thank you guys for the help, I appreciate it. :)

This is one of those refreshing times where it looks like OP was able to come to a good middle ground with her friend.