Husband surprises wife with puppy when her childhood dog passes, she breaks down. AITA? UPDATED
'I yelled at my husband for bringing a puppy home right after my 11 year old dog passed away.'
SeriousDog29
My German Shepherd dog (Roxy) recently passed away at 11 years old. Towards the end I was carrying her from room to room and one morning I woke up to find that she had passed away during her sleep. Even though I knew that she was getting old and eventually she would die, her death hit me extremely hard.
I cried for days and depression took over my life. I still worked, went to the gym, etc., but I sometimes would forget to eat or shower in the morning and my husband would make sure to remind me. I became visibly skinnier but I still managed to show myself as happy and full of life when I went out with my friends or just went out in general.
They did ask me if I was okay because I had just lost my dog but I would always put a smile on and reply with 'I'm okay because I know she's up in dog heaven' or something similar. Only my husband saw my depressive side and he was concerned all the time and tried to cheer me up by using his great sense of humor, one of the best qualities about him.
He even brought over a 7 week old German Shepherd puppy (who looked exactly like how Roxy did when she was 2 months old) from one of his friend's whose female dog had given birth 7 weeks ago and he must have seen the joy on my face when I played and cuddled with the puppy. Roxy passed away 3 weeks ago and the visit from the puppy was 1.5 weeks ago.
4 days ago I went on a 2 day work trip. When I returned home, I was greeted by the same puppy that my husband had brought 8 days ago. My husband came to me with a huge smile on his face and asked how my trip was and everything.
All I could focus on was the puppy and I asked him what was the puppy doing here? He smiled even more and said that he saw how much I loved the puppy so he bought her for $5,600 at a discount from his friend as a present to me.
I immediately asked him 'Why would you do this? You know I'm not over Roxy, but you wanted to bring another puppy like Roxy can just be replaced like that??' And I went to the bedroom and slammed the door and burst into tears. The puppy had followed me but I had closed the door before she could come in and she was scratching the door.
My husband told me that he was sorry but he thought this is what I wanted. I yelled at him that he should have asked me first and to just leave me alone. I know that his intentions were good and he wanted me to be happy, but I loved Roxy like she was my daughter.
I've had her since I was in high school and she's been my rock and support throughout every hardship. She was also my protector who saved me from possible dangers, specifically from men. Even though she was a female dog, she was still very frightening when in attack mode and her protection work was top-notch.
I was still grieving and wasn't ready to connect with another dog. The next day I told my husband that I was sorry for my breakdown and that I was just still going through the grieving process. He forgave me, but he is still visibly upset at me. I wanted him to return the puppy but I feel so guilty for yelling at him and that he spent so much money that I decided to keep the puppy.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
wymore
Just a couple observations. Your husband seems like a great guy. That was very sweet of him, but I think the mistake was getting a puppy that looked like your old dog. When my wife's dog died, she wasn't looking to get a new one or a replacement.
But then one of our kids' friends had a litter and was giving them away. New dog looked nothing like the old one, so I don't think she had the guilty feeling of replacing her old one.
Kadeous
I’d be more angry he spent 5k on a pup instead of adopting from a pound.
KinkyCeles
NAH I think. Your husband, it seems, was trying his best to be supportive. For some people they need the space between pets, for others they don’t. I can see how he mistakenly thought you meeting the puppy and bonding with it could be a sign that you needed that constant companionship.
He should’ve 100% sat you down and have a discussion about it, but at the same time I think he was trying so hard for a win, especially since he’d already introduced you to the puppy (it isn’t like this is an out of the blue new dog.)
After the day you played with the puppy, did he make any kind of comments/questions/hints about the puppy that are clearer in hindsight? Stuff like “you seemed to be more energized around the puppy” or “seeing you with X and how happy you were was nice.”
Vivid-Substance82
The same thing happened to me, where I lost my elderly dog and my (then) boyfriend bought me a puppy shortly after. I did initially feel so bad about loving this new puppy and feeling like I 'replaced' my old dog, but within weeks this new puppy came to really help me get through my grief.
He didn't replace my old dog, hes his own individual and personality wise so different - but he added joy and love and puppy-cuddles, which I sorely needed at the time. I dont love my elderly dog any less, i just found space in my heart for another little pup ❤️
shaylamariah
I might be the only one to say it but you’re the a**hole, OP. You don’t just yell at people because they do something you don’t like. Not only did he get yelled at but now people are berating a LOVING husband who made a bad decision on Reddit and any other platform this gets blasted on.
He absolutely should not have just bought a dog without talking to you about it but he watched his wife stop eating, stop showering, lie to her friends about how she’s doing, etc. Is it really that hard to believe that you wouldn’t make equally as big of a mistake as he did when he thought he was helping?
I’m sure he could still find a great home for the dog; one that will love them for the puppy they are and not for the dog they could never be. Your husband has every right to be upset, I would be too if my partner’s reaction was to yell at me when I made the wrong choice when I was there to help you deal with your depression.
Your mental health is never an excuse to treat someone like shit. I really don’t know why people are glossing over this.
A week later the OP returned with an update.
'Update on yelling at my husband for getting a new puppy right after my dog died.'
SeriousDog29
So I kept the puppy, but not out of guilt. Someone mentioned that the same thing happened to them but the new puppy was able to help them through the grieving process and that's exactly what is happening.
The new puppy has brought me so much joy and love over the past few days and because she looks exactly like Roxy did when she was the same age, it's like reliving Roxy's puppyhood and being given a second opportunity to furnish her with the same amount of love.
I wanted to name her Roxy but I decided to go with 'Althea' which means 'healing' and I think it's the perfect name for her. I have apologized to my husband again for yelling at him and reacting the way I did when he meant well.
He said that he understood that I was grieving and that dogs can't be replaced like cars, that he should have consulted with me first before bringing in a live puppy that requires a colossal amount of care.
Here were the top rated comments after this latest update:
Fenrir_The_Wolf65
Sometimes the people who love us do things with the intent of helping that may not come off quite the way they intended. Sounds like hubby had good intentions but may need to work on communicating and that’s ok, keep the dialogue going and thank them for trying AND apologizing.
Make sure he understands how it made you feel then and how much it’s helping now… I’m sorry for your loss but it sounds like this puppy has found a good home.
feraxks
Happy that the OP is healing, but $5600 for a GSD and that was with a discount?!? Holy cow!
joodo123
Yeah this guy got ripped off hard. That is not a discount or a friend.
mitsuhachi
People need to stop giving animals as surprises. They aren’t toys, they’re massive commitments in terms of time, money, and emotional attachment. No one should have that sprung on them. If you want to give someone a pet, talk to them first and then pick out the pet together.
imnotlyndsey
“I don’t want a dog to replace Roxy! She can’t be replaced” then “I wanted to name it Roxy” in the next post? LOL
emorrigan
I just feel bad for Roxy. She was in such bad shape that OP had to carry her from room to room, but OP didn’t consider that euthanasia would be more kind to Roxy? I’ve had dogs die. Euthanasia is so hard but it’s the unselfish thing to do when an animal is in that much pain. Hell, I wish it was more widely available for people.
I’ve had loved ones die too (my mom received hospice care for a year) and there’s nothing noble or righteous in dragging out their pain and suffering once they’re past the point of no return. The last six months of my mom’s life were excruciating and pointless.