Mom tells mentally ill son their cat died; he finds out she lied, is pissed. AITA?

The truth hurts, which is why a lot of people conceal it. In some cases, it can feel like a lose-lose, you tell the truth and anger a loved one. Or you lie to them and feel immense guilt over the lie. There are pros and cons on either side, and every situation is going to land differently.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for lying to her son about what happened to their cat. She wrote:

"AITA for lying to my son about the reason our cat wasn't there anymore?"

I (52F) have a son who I will call Asher (18M), and a couple years ago we had a cat named Luna who was our family's pet for 19 years. Around two years ago, my husband passed away in his sleep from a heart attack related to complications from his Diabetes. After my husband's death, Asher went off the rails. Accused me of trying to get rid of my husband. Accused me of cheating.

Accusing me of wanting to get rid of our cat. Even threatened to get rid of my late mother's ashes. He ended up having to get hospitalized where the doctors told me he had schizophrenia, and I was advised to rehome our cat by several family members. So I contacted a close family friend and asked her if she was willing to take in the cat, which she took in the cat while my son was in the hospital.

When my son got home, I told him that Luna had gotten very sick and stopped eating while he was gone, and the vet decided she had to be put down. It took him a while, but eventually, he accepted it as the truth and mourned the loss of his cat. I felt so bad lying to him like that, but I was worried if he knew the cat was still around, he would have a worse outcome.

Recently, while at a family dinner, one of my nieces told him that Luna was still alive and told him where she was at. Asher ended up confirming that what happened was the truth, and went off on me. Yelled at me for lying to me, for daring to get rid of Luna. I told him I didn't feel like she was safe here and that multiple family members advised me to rehome her.

He wasn't having it, and has since stayed shut in his room for a week. He only begrudgingly comes out for dinner, where he yells at me and calls me a terrible mother, and drags his food back to his room.

Am I wrong here? Did I do something bad by not being honest to him? Was I wrong for getting rid of Luna? These questions keep me awake for hours on end sometimes, and now more than ever do these questions haunt my mind.

People were quick to share all of their thoughts.

LadyCass79 wrote:

YTA, soft judgment here, but this wasn't the right thing to do. Your son is severely mentally ill. Lying to him about the cat was poor judgment because, if he found out, it hurt his trust in you. Someone who is exhibiting these symptoms won't react to a betrayal of trust well.

Let's also be honest. It wasn't a smart lie. Family members have the cat, and it was always a high likelihood that the facts would become known.

Lost-Wash60 wrote:

NTA for re-homing Luna. It's iffy considering that Asher didn't show a threat, but you were going through A LOT. Something a lot of people will overlook. I'm sure you were at your wits end and at least the cat has a good home instead of being in a shelter or euthanized.

SandyDesires wrote:

YTA For the story you came up with. I can't excuse that one because wow. Your cat got sick and stopped eating right when you left?? That's so intense, especially for someone dealing with everything he was. Could have told him you gave him away to a good home with no other details.

Mild NAH. You just lost your husband, your son was just diagnosed as schizophrenic, had been accusing you of some awful things, likely before you even had a chance to grieve. Your brother – speaking from a position of authority – gave you bad advice that you trusted, and you acted to protect Luna from a perceived danger, and your son from the ramifications of said perceived danger.

I’m not sure if he was just talking out of his ass or if he was misremembering statistics about a particular correlation between cats and schizophrenia, but Luna was likely not in danger and your brother was wrong for suggesting so, for ethical reasons if no other.

I could tell you what you should’ve done, but that does no good now. And your son is right to be upset. He accused you of lying while in the throes of schizophrenia, and then you did exactly what he was told was a delusion: you lied to him. I get why, I get your intention, but don’t be surprised if he does not let this go, or takes years/decades to see your perspective.

He’s likely questioning a lot of things right now, including whether some/all of it was a delusion. He needs space and time to process. Yeah, I don’t think you’re the AH here, but neither is he. If anyone is, your brother for opening his mouth when he shouldn’t have, but oh well.

You definitely screwed up mondo big time, though. Whew, that’s a big-time screw-up. Future reference: Talk to the doctor actually treating your son about changes to his environment, and what you should/shouldn’t tell him. That’s literally part of their job, and you’re paying for it already.

Jazzlike_Humor3340 wrote:

NAH. I can understand that rehoming the cat may be necessary, especially if he comes home after he is hospitalized but before he's back to long-term stability. However, you should have discussed this with his actual doctors, asking not just whether it was safe (for the cat) to keep it at home as he's working on stabilizing, and how it should be discussed with him.

Lies, as you learned, rarely hold indefinitely, and then you have to deal with the fallout of someone learning both that they were lied to and what the truth was. You need to go to his treatment team now, explain the whole situation (your fears for the cat, rehoming it, telling him it died, him learning the truth.) And then work with them on how to help him sort this out.

While no one can seem to fully agree on a verdict, one thing is clear: this is a tough and painful scenario all around.