My GF (28F) and I (29M) have been together for 3 years and moved in together about a year ago. We live in one half of a duplex. We picked this place specifically because the owner allowed pets.
My GF had 2 cats when we moved in together so we only looked at places that allowed pets. Before we moved in together, she would joke about her dream of becoming a 'crazy cat lady.' At least, I thought she was joking.
She follows a lot of social media that focuses on stranded, neglected, and abandoned animals. She's always had a soft spot for animals. She used to just share pictures of missing animals in our area to raise awareness and to try and get the animals back to their owners.
But after we moved into our new place, she started bringing some home. In the first 6 months that we moved in, she brought in 2 new cats.
These new cats were in need of help, I don't deny that. They needed medical care and were malnourished. She took them to the vet and helped nurse them back to health. When she brought them home (without telling me about it,) both were supposed to be short-term. Kind of like a foster until they found long-term owners.
But we still have both of them. Also, both took a lot of adjusting to our place and damaged some items in our house, but nothing that couldn't be replaced. Our place has 3 bedrooms so we have plenty of space for the cats to have room to roam, and thankfully none of them have problems with sharing litter boxes (we have 3).
I've talked to her about how I don't appreciate that she just brought these cats into our home without talking to me about it. She defended herself by saying that these cats needed help and if she didn't care for them, it's very possible they would not make it. Yes, that's sad, but it's also very disrespectful to me to just bring them into our home, in my opinion anyway.
Last month she brought home another cat that had been abandoned. Again, without talking to me about it. This time I admit I got pretty mad. I told her that I want that cat gone within 2 weeks. I felt like that's a reasonable amount of time to find out arrangements for it. Well, the cat is still here. GF says she can't find a good home for it.
This past weekend she told me she wants to bring in another cat. (Kudos to her I guess, she's learning to talk to me first). I told her absolutely not. I told her we already have too many cats and that if she brings in another one, I will take all of them except her 2 original cats to the nearest shelter.
She flipped out on me and called me a callous and uncaring AH. She said these are animals in need and she is capable of providing them the care they need. She said they would probably be dead without her help.
I told her that sucks, but animals die every day and I'm not going to allow her to keep bringing new animals into our home just because she feels sad for them. I know that sounds uncaring, but I'm literally surrounded by cats and I hate it.
From the comments:
I’m assuming you’re renting? On top of everything else, did your gf speak with the landlord about the new pets? Just because a lease allows pets doesn’t mean it allows unlimited pets.
Every lease contract I have ever signed has specifically stated that landlords need to give permission for each new cat or dog that is added to the home.
If you two can’t reconcile, you’ll have no choice but to break lease, which could mean losing thousands of dollars.
notdocdoolittleaita OP responded:
No, she definitely did not talk to the landlord about it. Thankfully, he's a pretty hands-off kind of guy and he never comes to our place for anything. I also know that going behind her back to tell him about this would be an AH thing to do.
I don't pay for anything for the cats. Not for food, litter, vet bills, anything. They are her cats, her problem. I have no idea how much she's spent on them in the past year, but I know it's a lot. But also, she meets her share of our mutual financial obligations, so I don't care what else she spends her money on.
NTA Your girlfriend is developing an animal hoarding mentality.
Look up animal hoarding. It sounds like your gf, may have this mental illness.
This is the textbook start to animal hoarding. My worry is if he rehomes the cats without her consent she will double down on getting more and more animals.
Soft NAH (because I admire your GF for wanting to rescue animals, but I don't think she's taking your feelings into account.)
Hmm... ESH I think, you for threatening her pets and her for not talking to you about it. However, you're incompatible and should probably move on. Do not touch her pets.