The test results are in! What is this, Maury? No. This is AMERICA.
On Tuesday, The Wall Street Journal posted some of the results of a polygraph exam taken by Stephanie Clifford, a.k.a. Stormy Daniels, in 2011. And although the White House and Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, have always denied that the president ever had an affair with adult film actress, these lie detector test results beg to differ.
Daniels took the test back on May 19th, 2011, five years after she allegedly had an affair with Donald Trump. According to The Wall Street Journal, Stormy was shopping around the story of her extramarital tryst with Trump to different publications. She didn't end up sharing her story then because she was "threatened with physical harm," according to Ms. Clifford’s current lawyer, Michael Avenatti.
OKAY OKAY enough exposition. So what did the test say?
The polygraph showed Daniels was telling the truth when said she had unprotected sex with Trump around July 2006.
She also said Trump told her she would get on his television show, “The Apprentice,” but the accuracy of that answer was inconclusive. But I mean, who cares? No one is reading this article to hear about that kind of stuff.
So the results of this test definitely support Daniels' claim that she had an affair with the president, but it is worth noting that polygraph tests are generally not admissible in court because they aren't 100% scientifically reliable. Grain of salt, people!
Regardless, things only seem to be getting crazier in the Stormy Daniels/Donald Trump saga. Daniels recently spoke with Anderson Cooper in an interview that is scheduled to air on 60 Minutes on Sunday, which is sure to be illuminating. Rumors were circulating on Twitter over the last few days that Daniels had pictures of the President's penis, but luckily those seem to be unfounded.
PHEWPH! Good thing, too. I think I speak for all Americans— republican, democrat or otherwise— when I say OH GOD PLEASE NO DICK PICKS PLEASE!!!!!