Woman calls sister's pregnancy 'geriatric', gets told to 'f*** off'. Family is divided.
A pregnancy announcement can be full of joy, but sometimes people can kill that joy with 'concern'.
After such an indicent, a mother-to-be blocked her unhelpful sister so she could have some peace. But their mom thinks that's a huge overreaction. What do you think? Here's the full story:
'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for telling my sister to f*ck off with her scientifically accurate term?'
u/NotGeriatric writes:
I'm five months pregnant and told my family a few weeks ago. My sister wasn't happy for me and told me she was concerned about my 'geriatric pregnancy.'
Great start.
I told her I'm under forty, and it isn't a 'geriatric pregnancy' and that I didn't need her concern, because my OBG and I had it covered. She still wasn't happy for me, but it is what it is.
At Easter dinner she again referred to my pregnancy as geriatric when talking to the family, and I again corrected her. She said 'sorry, but if you are over thirty-five it's geriatric.' Other people weighed in, mostly disagreeing with her.
She pulled up an article on her phone saying thirty-five and over is a geriatric pregnancy.
Congratulations on being 'technically' right.
My aunt laughed and said that is idiotic. She said at this rate everyone will be either too young or too old to have children, since twenties is too young and thirties is too old.
My sister said that she's using the scientifically accurate term, and it isn't her fault if it upsets me.
I said 'well you can f*ck off with your scientifically accurate term, because we all know you are just trying to make me feel bad.'
Dang!
Someone changed the topic, but she didn't talk to me the rest of that Sunday.
The next couple days, she sent me several links to articles about geriatric pregnancies, so I blocked her.
My mom called me this morning and asked if I blocked my sister. I said I did temporarily, because she was spamming me.
My mom said 'grow up and make nice with your sister. What you did, using profanity on a holy day, was just as bad. You're going to be a mother, act like one.'
Was I the a-hole, and do I owe my sister an apology?
What do you think? Is OP overreacting to a neutral fact, or is her sister so out of line, it's actually insane?
Reddit ruled a compassionate NTA (not the a-hole)
hardcandy8923 says:
NTA and it is wild to me that this is the hill your sister is willing to die on. I asked my husband (pediatrician) and my aunt (OB-GYN) and they say that 'geriatric pregnancy' is not in any shape, way, or form a 'scientifically accurate term.'
That's just the term used to describe pregnancy for women aged 35 and older and it can and HAS been changed in recent years to 'pregnancy at an advanced maternal age.' They say that the term has long been considered outdated, and is a call-back to a time when having children in your 30s was not the norm.
Society's changed, women have children later in life, and despite the difficulties and risks with getting pregnant at an 'advanced maternal age,' there is no way that the term 'geriatric' is an accurate way to describe women having children past age 35 (especially since the median age for first-time mothers in most places is 30, if I recall correctly).
Don't apologize, ask her instead to examine why she's so fixated on being unhappy for you.
adlauren agrees:
I was about to say, “geriatric pregnancy” hasn’t been the correct medical terminology in ages. It’s “AMA” across the board from what I’ve experienced.
NTA. How are you being the immature one here? Your sister keeps pushing this in your face, all but screaming 'I'M RIGHT, I'M RIGHT, I'M RIGHT!' She brings it up once, okay, fine.
But you made it clear that you didn't like using that term, and she just kept going and going and going, even harassing you with multiple articles. And to what end? To prove that the terminology is correct? Who cares? As long as you and the baby are healthy, that's what matters.
And thenewmara, a scientist, weighs in:
*deep breath and sighs* This is actually why we 'woke' scientists advocate for more inclusion of history, ethics and philosophy in STEM education. 'Scientifically accurate' terminology is anything but accurate and needs to be handled with the full knowledge of the history of that term, the biases of the people who promulgated it and the values of the society and culture it originated from.
'Geriatric pregnancy' is technically accurate in the same way 'Mental retardation' or 'hysteria' is an accurate description of neurologic and social function. This is why it irks me when people fall back to 'but it's technically correct' when referring to anything related to terminology because all terminology is a social construct and rooted in the culture of its time.
There is an effort to actively remove that phrase from medical culture along with many other efforts to not pathologize mental illnesses or gender issues or sexual issues or gynecological issues (I'm looking at you 'incompetent cervix' - something pregnant folks love to hear).
If your sister wants to talk, give her a history of medical terminology and if she doesn't want to hear it, NTA and tell her to eat glass.
HigherEdFuturist asks:
Info: how old is your sister? Does she fixate on things? Does she like being the baby in the family? NTA, and honestly good for you for setting a firm boundary.
OP answers:
She's 29. She certainly likes to be right about things. I wouldn't call her the baby of the family.
But ShadowWriter asks a different kind of question:
Most people don’t have to take themselves so seriously. I’m curious why you’re so quick to take offence?
OP responds very thoughtfully:
I'm not sure. I express affection with kindness, and I enjoy the same. I always tell my husband the things I love about him, and he does the same, and it just makes me really happy. But, everyone is different. Other people enjoy other dynamics, and that's great.
I do suspect that society places a lot of pressure on women to be 'in on the joke' and 'cool with' a lot of things that maybe deep down a lot of us aren't? But I could be wrong. I didn't do a study or anything.
So, there you have it!
Not only is OP's sister rude AF, she's completely 'scientifically' wrong. Maybe OP can send her this helpful thread when she ublocks her!