'AITA for preparing food for my pregnant wife because she's being so difficult?'
"AITA for preparing food for my pregnant wife because she's being so difficult?"
My wife is 5 months pregnant and has started to feel hungry a lot. She is recovering from vomiting constantly and now it's just once in a week or two.
We both work from home. I try to do the majority of of household chores (cooking, dishes, laundry, cleaning, breakfast, lunch, dinner etc). Though it's a small apartment and no kids so it's not really much work. And we typically just have milk and bread for breakfast which I bring to her bed.
She helps with cooking whenever she is feeling good and very lately she has started to cook more than me; otherwise I cook the dinner with often some assistance from her (cutting onions etc). We save the dinner for lunch next day.
It's a good going most of the time. The problem is that my wife keeps complaining to me that she is hungry and I haven't fed her. I do offer snacks like banana, fruits and nuts but she says she is looking for some real food because she is really hungry.
When I ask her what do you want me to make, she often doesn't have an answer and tells me she doesn't know but is hungry. If I offer to make something, say, soup, or boiled potatoes she shoots it down for one reason or the other (it's carb and not good; it's too light and she is too hungry etc). This gets me visibly frustrated.
Today, she agreed to a serving of watermelon which I cut and served. While cutting it, I asked her to tell me what she wants to eat because she will start complaining as soon as she is hungry and I can't immediately have something ready to eat because it takes preparation. She said she is good for a while and didn't entertain my question.
As predicted, when I visited her room in an hour or so after work, she started pouting that she is hungry and I didn't feed her anything since lunch throughout the day. This made me a bit angry because I did feed her the melon and some dry snacks.
It just wasn't a proper food. Moreover, I had asked her what she wanted to eat exactly for this reason, and she had refused to answer then. I told her she is expecting too much from me - both figuring out what to make and when to make it.
I asked her that she should at least take responsibility for figuring out what to eat and let me know in advance. She felt like I was invalidating her and then said 'Okay, I won't tell you anything from now on', pouting. I got annoyed and left the room. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA. You 'didn't feed her'? Is she bed ridden? If not, why can't she feed herself? Pregnancy does not equal disabled.
NTA. Being pregnant doesn't make her a princess and it doesn't turn you into a butler. You're clearly being supportive and doing your best. This would be a different story if she was bedridden or a very dangerous pregnancy where you should know what she should have/not have.
NTA. She is a grown adult woman with legs to walk her tail end to the kitchen and grab her snack of choice. Pregnancy does not make you an infant who needs feeding.
ESH. Your current diet doesn't sound adequate.
Now that her hyperemesis gravidarum is more or less under control, your wife is probably having cravings but doesn't know what she needs. Perhaps your usual diet doesn't include what she needs to build another little human and sustain her strength. That, and her weakness from the hyperemesis, could be preventing her from being able to identify exactly what she needs to eat.
Please get yourselves some books from the library or online so you can learn more about nutrition during pregnancy.
As an example, in other threads, we've read about pregnant vegetarians craving meat. This is just an example of the body needing increased and better nutrition for this process.
Once your wife gets better nutrition, she'll feel stronger and should be able to do more of the cooking. You can both also look for solutions for other issues as her pregnancy progresses. Exercise and fresh air are also important.
I had a healthy pregnancy, exercising and working until the week before my daughter's birth, but I'm a well-fed Canadian and was fortunate enough not to have much morning sickness.
In another year or so, you'll also need to research nutrition for your little one as they grow to need more than breast milk.
Note: Mom also needs prenatal vitamins that include folic acid to prevent neural tube defects. All my best to your family!
NTA her getting pregnant doesn't grant you psychic powers. And her response: 'Okay, won't tell you anything from now on', Pure manipulation. Do not entertain that nonsense. So let her not tell you, and fend for herself until she drops that manipulative BS.