"AITA for making my husband stay at a hotel?"
Will try and keep it short. I suffer from migraines, and type 1 diabetes - we were advised not to try and get pregnant due to my lack of control of my blood sugars. It happened and it sucks (although I’ve been monitoring it so much better and been doing much better).
1. I'm constantly asking my husband to turn the sleeves of his tops the right way in. He wears 2-3 tops a day (if he goes gym it’s 3, and 2 if he’s going out which 9/10 he does). He doesn’t do it, so I’m ironing 10 tops each week at minimum, and it just gets so annoying to constantly be turning in the sleeves.
2. I ask him once a week to unload the dishwasher and get rid of the rubbish. I do it the rest of the time…the rubbish wasn’t emptied, and when I opened a cupboard a few plates fell out and one fell on me which hurts more than it sounds like!
3. I had a migraine, I asked him to keep the lights off and keep it quiet and he insisted on a) playing loud music and b) turning the lights on. I just lost it, I’m so uncomfortable and it’s like I feel like I ask the minimum?
So I told him I wouldn’t be having two children, and asked him to leave. He wouldn’t so I texted my brothers and they came and made him leave. He’s texting me. I've since calmed down. He's saying I’m the AH because I overreacted, went nuclear and can’t do that when I have the baby - he’s insisting I apologise. AITA?
Edit's from OP:
We didn't get pregnant on purpose.
My brothers didn't do anything physical, they just wouldn’t leave until he left and my husband doesn’t like them so it didn’t take too much of an awkward encounter to make him leave.
Here's what people had to say:
[deleted]
Info: why can’t he iron his own shirts and get headphones? I’d divorce before you’re forced to single parent with him in the room.
This_Squash_2035 OP:
He can’t iron, I tried to teach him and it didn’t work - his tops need ironing otherwise he doesn’t look presentable and he gets aggy and when he gets aggy so do I, he does have headphones so I don’t know why he insists on playing music out loud - I’ve asked.
[deleted]
That is called Weaponized incompetence. He is purposely making you think he cannot do it so you will have to continue to do so. Just flat out stop doing it and he will take the hint and do it or not look as presentable as he would like. Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking he can’t do it he absolutely can.
Info: Does your husband do household chores on a normal basis?
This_Squash_2035 OP:
Once a week, he does those chores listed - sometimes he does his own laundry and picks up food shopping if I ask. It’s a work in progress…unfortunately, a slow one.
It's slow because he's hoping you give up! My fiancé was also a bit of a "mama always did everything for me" at first too but damn, after we had a conversation about it he immediately started making significant changes. You're showing yours that you'll pick up his slack and give him what he wants and stick around even if you're frustrated anyway, why would he bother??
AshlynM2 writes:
NTA. STOP IRONING HIS SHIRTS GIRL!!!!!! You are pregnant with a serious, life threatening, medical condition. He isn’t even doing the bare minimum to be a decent partner. Do you have family close by that you could stay with for a bit to get a mental break? (If he insists on coming home and being so rude). I’m sorry you’re going through this.
MuggleWitch writes:
Dishwasher, shirts. Damn. These are like barely any tasks. I cannot comprehend how demanding bare minimum becomes too much. Pregnant or otherwise. Dude. Partners kiss the ground their Pregnant partner walks on because that's the amount of care you deserve.
OP you deserve so much more. Please leave what sounds like a terrible relationship.
GarlicAndSapphire writes:
Why are you doing his laundry/ironing? Seriously. Why? Just start with that single question. When you come up with an answer, you can move on to the more difficult questions in this Nightmare of a relationship.
bananasplz writes:
The thought of ironing gym shirts is wild to me. I don’t iron anything.
twdnewh writes:
He is inconsiderate and TA for that, but having your brothers remove him from his own home is unforgivable. So, unfortunately, I have to say you're the bigger TA.