Woman begs for advice, terrified to tell religious parents she's pregnant. UPDATE
Even as adults, we all crave our parents' validation on some level.
One woman was terrified to tell her parents about her pregnancy. They were very religious and she deeply feared they wouldn't approve. She came to Reddit to ask for advice and Reddit delivered.
'Almost 31 weeks pregnant and still haven’t told my family'
I’ve known I was pregnant since October, and I have seen my family multiple times since then, but I’ve not told them I’m pregnant. They live 4 hours away and are super religious, so I know they will not approve of me and my boyfriend having a baby.
We already live together and they were not happy about that, so I know this will result in a major reaction from them. I’ve put off telling them for so long because I already have enough stressors in my life and I don’t need their negativity on top of everything else.
Please just give me some encouragement that it’s okay that I’ve waited so long. I know it’s their grandchild too, but after my boyfriend’s mom’s reaction, I just don’t want to tell them at all, even though I know at some point I’ll have to.
Reddit was not shy with the advice and a lot of readers truly felt for the OP and her situation.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Just because it’s their grandchild they have no rights to your peace and tranquility. You are the parent and if they can’t get over themselves and their judgement to be positive and support you, they get a strict info diet. Even to the point of an announcement after the birth, if YOU think that’s what’s best for your peace.
There may be some uproar but there’ll be a whole, adorable,sweet-smelling, squishy baby to soothe hurt feelings. And a little blunt honesty may be in order:
“Mom, Dad, you’ve been very disapproving and judgmental about how I choose to live my life. And vocal about your opinions. If you’d like to be included in mine and my babies lives, you need to keep your opinions to yourself and let me work out what I think is right”
Congratulations mama, and daddy! This is a very exciting time and I wish you all the best with your coming-soon angel of sweetness ?
100%. There are plenty of people who cut out grandparents because of poor behavior. OP, your only obligations are to your child and your coparent. And even for the coparent your obligations are only related to them being your coparent/partner.
When you become a parent they say you need to act like you're on a plane. You need to put on your oxygen mask before the baby's. It means if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take the best care of your baby. So if dealing with your parents limits your ability to care for your child, then you need to manage that so you can take care of yourself first, and your baby.
It’s ok to hold that information back, for your health and that of your baby. You and your boyfriend are taking steps to watch out for baby, and that’s good! You’re going to be a great mom.
Your parents may make an issue about the baby being their grandchild, but the more important relationship is YOURS as parent to baby. Parent beats grandparent, in the rock-paper-scissors of relationships.
It’s your baby, my sweet. Not theirs. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing, then don’t. YOU come first. Not them. You’re doing an amazing and super difficult thing right now, so you need to put you first, and when baby comes, you prioritize their needs and your own.
If grandma and grandpa want a relationship then it will be on your terms and no one else’s.
Just enjoy the time right now, paint the nursery, go find the soft fluffy things you want, and think of what you need in your go bag so you don’t stress later.
The OP commented expressing her appreciation regarding the outpour of support on this first post:
Wow, I went to visit with a friend for a few hours and come back to this?? Thank you to all of you moms, siblings, everyone. I am so grateful for this pouring out of support that everyone is giving me, and this gave me so much comfort. You all are the best, thank you from the deepest depths of my soul for all of your kind words and support. It truly means the world to me❤️❤️
3 weeks later, the OP returned with an update:
'I told my parents I’m 34 weeks pregnant'
Some of you may remember my post a few weeks ago seeking encouragement because I hadn’t told my very religious family that I was expecting a baby with my boyfriend. I just wanted to come back on and give you all an update on their reaction.
I ended up sending a card like some of you all had suggested, and it was definitely the best route. I bought a card off of Etsy and put a few ultrasound pictures in it, as well as a note asking them to process everything before they reach out with their reaction.
They got the card on Saturday night, and I got a text from my mom on Sunday morning. The first line of the text reads “I already love her”, which sent me into tears.
I got the best possible outcome, I was not expecting them to be so supportive and loving towards me. They’re excited to meet her, and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me.
Here were the top updates made by readers who followed from her last post:
Thank you for taking the time to share your update! That brought some good feelings to my day. I actually also have some religious parents and shared something I was very nervous about since it didn’t really fall in line with church teachings. They had a similar reaction, so I’m always happy to see accepting parents!
Congratulations! You’ve already got such a great village for your little bean. My mom was very religious with us growing up. No sex before marriage. Now I’m almost 30 and she doesn’t care how she gets grandkids, just that she gets them ?
I am glad love won out on this.
Aww, I'm glad you got a happy ending. Congrats and good luck on your wee one. My stepbrother called his mom and my mom (his stepmom - they're close) to announce he was going to be a father with his girlfriend. My mom laughed and cheered and wished him the best.
His mom lit a cigarette and then went off about how he was too young (he was in his mid-twenties and had a good job) and how she didn't know the girl (whose fault is that?) and etc... Stepbro finally said something about 'hoping this baby had more than one grandmother on his side', and she shut up with a quickness.
Oh this was not what I expected and it completely made me cry! “I already love her” was probably THE best response they could have sent.