My (37M) wife (37F) is pregnant with our first bio child. We tried to have a baby in our 20s, went through fertility treatments, and nothing worked. This pregnancy was a huge surprise and is a highrisk pregnancy. My wife is 20 weeks now.
My brother and SIL have 3 kids (aged 5 - 8). SIL was pregnant again this summer and had a miscarriage at 21 weeks. They were obviously devastated and we felt awful for them.
My SIL talks about her miscarriage a lot, which is understandable. But it has been making my wife really anxious so I first asked my brother if they (he and SIL) can just stop bringing the miscarriage up in front of my wife. He said sure, and stopped, but SIL didn't. So I asked her too, and she said that she will try. She didn't stop.
Yesterday they came to visit us with the kids to stay a couple of days for Halloween. At lunch, my SIL said to my wife '20 weeks now huh, I remember feeling the baby at 20 weeks. Sadly we lost him at 21' and my wife had a panic attack.
We (wife and I) left the room, and I came back 30 minutes later and just lost it at my SIL, I told her to just for once shut the hell up about her miscarriage.
I feel like an ass, really. Aita?
Here's what people are saying:
NAH. They are going through unimaginable grief. You are in theory a support system. Any other time they would be turning to you for support. It just so happens that right now you can’t give that to them.
Grief is horrible. Your SIL is going through the stages of grief in her own way, and you are trying to hold on to your miracle baby for dear life. You're kind of an A H for speaking to her like that, but I know you were doing it for your own baby so kind of NTA.
So I'll just settle with ESH. Talk to your sister in law again, and ask her to try to contain her feeling around you or just stay away until the baby is born. All the best!
I'd probably swerve hanging with your brother and SIL until your wife gives birth. Explain why to your brother, if everyone's an adult, nobody's gonna lose any sleep about a few weeks distance to preserve your wife's mental health.
Good luck. Oh, and, NTA.