I am 7 months pregnant with my first child. The baby is also the first grandchild/nephew of my husband's family which everyone is excited about.
I lost my mother and father to the pandemic, being an only child, so there's not much of my family. Since the death of my parents (1 year ago), my husband's family has welcomed me with open arms as part of them and I have become very close to my MIL and SIL.
I always wanted to have a gender reveal and I trusted my SIL to organize everything. With 3 days to go before the party, I started to receive messages from all my husband's relatives and even close friends congratulating me on my baby being a boy.
I went to ask what happened, my SIL confessed that she let it slip to my MIL and she told everyone the sex of the baby after knowing, because she couldn't hold it and it took proportions beyond what they imagined. Nobody call me to tell this.
The party was canceled and I was heartbroken, as well as extremely hurt by the two of them. Usually they would accompany me to the ultrasounds,s hopping for the baby's room, and my MIL is planning to be in the room during the delivery.
But after this breach of trust, I stopped inviting them and asked them to respect my boundaries. Honestly, I didn't even send them the baby shower invite, because I really avoided contact with them as much as possible.
My husband started complaining that I was pushing them away because of a mistake that could happen and that I was being harsh. Yesterday he brought this up and when I said that I still didn't feel comfortable with them, he said 'Soon you'll tell me that my mother won't be able to go to the birth '.
I think my face showed my response and he started saying I was being too hard on her because she was just excited and blabla. I had my limit and said, 'If you keep pushing me, it won't just be your mother who won't be with me during labor. So either stop or you won't come in.'
He started to say that I was crossing lines and that he had a right to have this moment. I was taking this with them too far. He slept on the couch and doesn't talk to me more than necessary. AITA?
Here's what people had to say:
'My husband started complaining that I was pushing them away because of a mistake that could happen and that I was being harsh.'
This wasn't a mistake- this was a choice. Your SIL made a choice and told MIL. MIL then made a choice to tell everyone else in the family. Your husband is making the choice to pressure you into things, which is leaving you to make some choices of your own now.
You are allowed to make your own choices. Nobody not even the husband has a right to be in the delivery room (may seem harsh but it's true). The person going through the procedure has the choice of who gets to be in there.
Birthing a child is not an all-access pass for everybody else who wants to be in there. It's not a spectator sport- it's a medical procedure to get a little human out of another human. NTA
I've never understood the want to be in the delivery room. Why would you want your in-laws in effectively the most extreme gyno appointment ever?
As a person in my third trimester, I would rather poke my eyes out with hot forks than have my MIL attend my birth. NTA
Update from OP:
Well, many are saying it's just a gender reveal. I honestly don't care for that and I think it's tacky, but my mom was the type who like/love it and she always dreamed of having grandchildren, she said she was made to be a grandmother.
She can't meet my son or even know I'm pregnant, so I wanted to do something tacky that I don't care for her, not for me. Everyone knew the importance and the reason. I always wanted to have a gender reveal with my mom there and I didn't have either.