Someecards Logo
Woman wants parents to stay for Chinese post-birth confinement month, husband says no.

Woman wants parents to stay for Chinese post-birth confinement month, husband says no.


Pregnancy can do a number on you both physically and mentally. In order to truly get back to 100 percent, the body needs serious rest and relaxation. However, in the fast-paced capitalist culture of America, that can be logistically hard to manage.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for asking for another month of rest and time with her parents.

She wrote:

WIBTA to expect my husband to accommodate a post pregnancy confinement?

So I (30f) is giving birth soon and we have thing in my region called zuo yue zu which is basically post-pregnancy recovery. What we do is to stay in bed and try to recover the physical and mental toll pregnancy did on our body. So I've moved to my husband's country and it's not a widely done thing here apparently and I've already taken 2 months off from work.

I've talked to my husband about this but he thinks it's very unnecessary, especially since I need someone to take care of me and the child during the period.

So here's why I think is feasible

We make really good money so it's not going to make a big dent on our financial account

I can just have my parents take care of me

My company has really good employee benefits so even if i take that extra month off it will still be under parental leave.

My states have parental leave for guys too so my husband can also stay home to spend more time with our daughter and me.

But my husband was really against it and I do want to acknowledge it might be very troublesome to extend my parents' visa.

So would I be the **shole if i bring up this topic again? He's white American with Irish descent if that matters.

Edit: I tried talking about it before but it was shut down and I thought it was fine and I could go without one. But my pregnancy wasn't smooth after 6-month mark and instead of natural birth we are now going c-section and a lot of stuff happened especially within the last few weeks so now I'm pretty adamant about getting this one extra month of rest.

The internet weighed in with all of their thoughts.

Chocolatecandybar_ wrote:

NTA. When your husband will actually deliver he'll have a say.

Lisbei wrote:

It’s your body in which you are growing an entire human being. It’s worth it because instead of racing back to work before your body has recovered, you get to recover at your own pace (and bond with the baby).

Is it troublesome to extend your parents’ visa or impossible? Look, do this thing.

Also, why is your husband against it? You say it’s ‘especially’ because you’ll need someone to take care of you, what’s the other reason?

Anyway, don’t just bring it up again, INSIST ON IT. You’re not just removing a wart, you are giving birth! Do your thing, girl!

NTA (don’t back down!)

InitialSquirrel7491 wrote:

As a person married to a White Irish man, whose had 2 children, his race and ethnicity literally have nothing to do with your situation (and to be fair, it’s a bit offensive). My husband took his family leave after both births, (3 months) and while I was on 2 months bed rest prior to the birth of our daughter, literally took care of everything. I stayed home with both of our kids, until I wanted to go back to work.

(Years later) with the full support of my husband. You don’t have a white Irishman problem, you have a husband problem, who is not sympathetic to your culture. If you want your parents there, then extend their visa. You want to stay home for the extra time, stay home. I would also make it very clear that you want to teach your children about your culture as well, if that is your plan.

Weary_Fold_598 wrote:

White wife with a Taiwanese husband here. They mentioned confinement, i was all 'no thank you' and then I actually got pregnant and....

I didn't follow all the rules exactly, but honestly, it rocked. My MIL came to live with us for my second to help me do the sitting month too.

This is something you really need to dig your heels in over. 'Lying in' absolutely was a thing in Western European culture, as well, but it went by the wayside sometime in the 60s or 70s. It needs to come back. Taking the time to rest and recover makes things so much easier, on everyone.

Effectively, having everyone take care of me and the house made it much easier to focus on taking care of the baby and my health. There was less stress all round, even for my husband. Maybe your husband doesn't want to eat Chinese food straight for a month.

But he can always cook for himself in a clean kitchen in a clean house with a relaxed wife and a well-taken care of baby -- or he can go to work, come home, cook, clean the kitchen, clean the house, and try to take care of the baby with a stressed and tired wife. It's an absolute no-brainer.

Clearly, OP is NTA, and her husband needs to come around.

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

Featured Content