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'AITA for not telling my house guest about the hidden camera?'

'AITA for not telling my house guest about the hidden camera?'


"AITA for not telling my house guest/friend about hidden camera?"

He writes:

My friend is moving to a new city and to help save him money, I am allowing him to crash at my place rent-free until he officially moves. If it helps for context, we are both single gay men.

I live alone and prior to him staying with me, my ex lived with me. It was a messy separation, and the ex left my place after stealing some things from my apartment (I have no proof of this, but I am 100% confident it was him). The ex still has access to my apartment, and changing the locks would be too expensive and require involvement from my apartment complex.

Obviously, I’m paranoid and installed a hidden camera to capture all activity occurring at the entrance. It only shows the front door and a little bit of the front room. I never told my friend currently staying over that it exists.

While I left over the holidays, he had the place to himself. Although I never explicitly told him not to bring guests or hookups over without asking, I thought it was implied. The other night, he brought a hookup over and my camera caught it. I was upset with him and told him I thought it was disrespectful.

He turned the tables on me and said I was the asshole and being creepy and snoopy without telling him. He said it was a huge violation of his privacy. He also said that since he would allow me to have guests over to hookup or hangout if it was his place, he didn’t think it was a problem.

1. In hindsight, I should’ve told him about the camera out of courtesy, but how much of an asshole was I in not telling him. What obligation did I have to tell him?

2. Should I be upset that he had someone over to hookup with in my apartment/bedroom without telling me, or is he right that because it was never clearly articulated, he could have guests without permission?

Basically, who’s the a-hole? Am I?

What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say about the situation:

aliteralavocado said:

YTA. You did spy on him and that is creepy. Why wouldn't you tell him you had cameras if not to keep an eye on him? As for having a guest, you're both in the wrong. He should have asked first, but if you had a problem with it, you should have been clear about it.

Fresh_Process6822 said:

YTA. You have valid reasons for having the hidden camera—but they don’t involve your friend. He was an invited guest and has a reasonable expectation to privacy and knowing that he is being recorded.

While I think it is best practice for guests to clear having other guests (including hook ups) over, I don’t think it unreasonable that your friend elected not to do so when the expectation wasn’t established and you were out of town (so he wouldn’t be surprising you with that hook up).

If you have house rules, make them explicit and don’t assume everyone knows rules that are “implied” (which often aren’t even implied but actually fully unstated or undiscussed).

katatak121 said:

YTA. If you had house rules you wanted your friend to follow, it was your responsibility to clearly share them before your went away for the holidays. Your friend is not a mind reader, and anything "implied" was all in your imagination. It's not fair to your friend to get mad at him for breaking a rule you never spelled out to him.

If you have ongoing concerns about your ex coming in and stealing things, you 100% should've told your guest that, especially since you left him there alone. That would have been the time to explain the camera as well. You could have seriously jeopardized your friend's safety by leaving him ignorant about the situation with your ex.

gte105u said:

Depending on where you live, that could be illegal. It certainly is inappropriate to spy on your friend, especially without his knowledge. YTA

LoFiMuf said:

YTA. 1.) Never assume that someone knows YOUR house rules. If you don't lay that down first that is on you, not him.

2.) That is creepy that you just... didn't tell him. I would assume that you were watching him more than just that. Think how creepy it would be if YOU were filmed without your permission.

Verdict: YTA. Do you agree?

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