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Woman finally gets pregnant after IVF then finds out husband got his mistress pregnant, he says 'oops, just a transgression!'

Woman finally gets pregnant after IVF then finds out husband got his mistress pregnant, he says 'oops, just a transgression!'

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I (26F) am pregnant after a fertility struggle. My husband (42M) just admitted to having an affair & getting someone else pregnant.

ThrowRA-ornerychamp writes:

My husband and I got married three years ago. When I was a teenager, I was told that due to medical complications, I might never be able to have children. After two years of trying and fertility treatments, I am now halfway through my pregnancy with our miracle baby.

Unfortunately, due to some complications, I had to cut back on my hours at work (it's very physical). My husband offered to pick up more hours to compensate, so he has been working a lot more in the past two months and coming home later.

I couldn't see that anything was amiss. Things were the same as they've always been. He always brings home flowers, food, things for the baby, coffee, and he's always sending me thoughtful and loving texts throughout the day. The gaps where he was unreachable were explainable.

But this morning, he sat me down and gave me news that rocked me. He told me he's been having an affair for the past six weeks, and his affair partner just found out that she's pregnant.

He says that if she decides to keep the baby, she's going to raise it by herself, and they mutually agreed to end the relationship already. He wants to make things right.

I don't know how things can ever be right again. He just wants to move on from what he is calling his "transgression."

How do I ever forgive him? How do you deal with the unthinkable? How do I learn to live with the idea that my child's sibling might be out there somewhere someday? Most importantly, how do I learn to move on like he wants me to?

I have an OB appointment for unrelated medical reasons tomorrow, during which I will make sure to request extensive testing. I have plans to meet with a lawyer on Monday. I'm talking to my sister to see if I can stay with her; my relationships with much of my family are fractious, but I have a pretty positive relationship with her.

I will not be seeking "other options" other than having my baby due to being pretty far along and having been told in the past I would not conceive. Regardless of what my husband has done, I love my child.

This has been such an emotionally harrowing time for me. He's acting like everything is normal. All I want to do is sleep. I keep telling myself it'll be over soon.

OP provided an update:

First off, the other woman decided to terminate her pregnancy, which she confirmed to me. Talking to her was really weird, and she didn't answer a lot of questions that I had for her. This is someone who knows me and has met me several times, and I just don't get it.

The motivations on both sides don't make any sense to me, and I don't know if they ever will. It helped to learn there were no romantic feelings, but it was still confusing, especially since I perceive my husband and I to have a healthy romantic life (as often as 4-6 times per week), and I don't really understand what's fun or exciting about crossing the boundaries of your marriage.

We are in therapy, separately and together. Going separately is helping me sort out a lot of my own feelings, but I think going together is essential one way or another as well.

He has been cooperative and participatory in therapy. I'm hopeful that we can figure at least some things out. We've had many conversations about why it won't be easy for me to just forgive this and why I need answers and changes in behavior, and I do feel like I've been heard.

Divorce is not completely off the table, but it's a hard situation to be in, especially in a vulnerable state like being pregnant. I've consulted with a lawyer and made my parameters clear to him, but for right now, I want to try to work things out.

I know this isn't the update that a lot of people probably hoped for, but for me, I think this is the right choice. Thank you all for your words of encouragement, advice, and perspective. I definitely took a lot of things to heart and will remember them for a long time! It's very appreciated.

OP provided one more update:

Six months ago, my life was the best it has ever been. My husband and I had just found out that we were pregnant after IVF, and our relationship seemed as happy and strong as ever. We were absolutely on top of the world.

I found out he had an affair in mid-October, where his affair partner had gotten pregnant as well. The affair partner terminated the pregnancy, and I was prepared to work through things with him, even if it meant ending up divorcing amicably.

Then I found out that shortly before we got married, he had another affair that I never knew about previously. I was devastated beyond imagination. He said some things to me that I will never forget or be able to forgive.

I went into preterm labor at 26 weeks, which they were able to stop. After four weeks, I'm still experiencing a lot of complications, and I may have to deliver the baby early. My husband has been nasty and uncooperative since we fought.

He hasn't come to see me in the hospital even once in four weeks. My life was incredible before all of this—before I knew about all of this. I wish I could go back to that.

OP responded to some comments:

lilpandatoys says:

I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t be okay having a baby with a man who just abandoned one.

OP responded:

I keep coming back to this. The ease with which he’s willing to take the stance of just forgetting the whole thing happened is hard for me.

LovinInfo says:

Was thinking the exact thing! I’m not getting that he has any fear of losing you! Why?? Either he thinks you’re easy to control? Or not that bright? Or desperate to stay his wife? Which is it? Why isn’t he begging you to stay with him? Why does he feel you’ll just go along with forgetting that he’s cheated on you?

OP responded:

I think he knows that my initial reaction was going to be that yes, we could fix this or that I would agree to make things right. I think that he knows that I have so much invested (emotionally) in this relationship.

He is my first real love, my first well everything really, and that I’m more likely to fight for what we have than to give it up. Even i’m surprised at how conflicted I feel.

Little_Yesterday_548 says:

He turned on her the moment he knew he no longer had control over her.

FenderForever62 says:

The 16 year age gap was the first concern (are both adults - 23 and 39 when they got married - but unclear what age they met). I get that the stress and fear of leaving someone, especially when you’re that pregnant, must be A LOT.

I do hope she gets the strength to leave him though. You agreed to marry in sickness and in health, but he’s cheated on you and now isn’t there while you’re in hospital suffering while pregnant with his baby? What a great husband and father.

What do you think OP should do?

Sources: Reddit
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